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Song Details
Rank this week: 43 (↑1)
Duration: 4:07 
Release Date: 1975  (peterpuck9) 
Lyrics By: Peter Ferrara & Bobby Pickett (peterpuck9) 
Music By: Peter Ferrara & Bobby Pickett (peterpuck9) 
Produced By: Peter Ferrara (peterpuck9) 
Released By: Pizzeria (peterpuck9) 
Published By:
Licensing:
Keywords: STAR TREK 
Reviews:
Best Star Trek parody- CapSuper
Facts:
  • Dr Demento played an alternate version of this skit on the May 13th 2007 show in a tribute to Bobby (Boris) Pickett who had died earlier that spring. RIP. (czwrefsteven)
  • I listen to the original broadcast on Dr. Demento...he had William Shatner on as a guest that night. (Reason)
  • Song Lyrics:
    (Familiar Star Trek theme music begins)

    SPAAAAACE - The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship
    *BOOBYPRIZE*. Its five year mission - to sell T-shirts, toy phasers,
    plastic communicators, and anything else we can think of. To seek
    out new life in old plots and complications. To boldly go where
    EVERYONE HAS GONE BEFORE!

    (Music Surge)

    S T A R D R E K !

    JERK: Captain's log, stardate 6935.2. We are in orbit around the planet
    Shwartz.

    SNOTT: Engineering to Captain Jerk! Engineering to Captain Jerk!!

    JERK: Jerk here, what is it Snotty?

    SNOTT: Captain, the warp drive mechanisms are generating excess
    antimatter. The pods are overloadin' now, if it continues at this rate,
    I canna be responsible for the safety of the ship!

    JERK: Don't have a spaz, Snotty.

    SNOTT: Ach, but the whole ship's gonna blow itself to pieces, Jim!

    JERK: I WANT ANSWERS MISTER!

    SNOTT: Well, I tried shovin' a wiener in the warp drive, but it dinna
    do a bit of good. By the by, would ya have a wee bit of mustard up on
    the bridge?

    JERK: Mr. Schlock?

    SCHLOCK: No mustard, Captain.

    JERK: Analysis, Schlock?

    SCHLOCK: It would appear that Lieutenant Snott is about to eat a wiener
    without mustard.

    JERK: As always, your logic is impeccable, Mr. Schlock. However, I was
    referring to the emergency in the ship's warp drive.

    SCHLOCK: I would say that the program is at too early a stage to permit
    solving any serious difficulties, Jim.

    JERK: Recommendation?

    SCHLOCK: Suggest you wait for further plot complication before undertaking
    corrective measures.

    JERK: Logical, Mr. Schlock. Perfectly logical. Dr. McCoy?

    McCOY: I'M A DOCTOR, NOT A SCRIPTWRITER!

    COMPUTER: WARNING! This is a plot complication!
    WARNING! This is a plot complication!
    WARNING! This is a plot complication!

    SCHLOCK: Plot complication showing up on ship's sensors now, Captain.
    I am switching to visual...

    JERK: What is it, Mr. Schlock?

    SCHLOCK: Computer data coming in now, Captain. It's just what we need --
    a colossal negative space wedgie of great power coming right at us at
    warp speed.

    JERK: Uh, Mr. Lulu, commence evasive action!

    LULU: Yesss, Captain Jerrrrrk.

    SCHLOCK: Evasive action ineffective, Captain. The wedgie is turning
    with us and closing rapidly. Estimated time of impact approximately
    16.9 seconds. 15...

    JERK: Bridge to Engineering!

    SCHLOCK: 14... 13...

    SNOTT: Snott here, Captain.

    SCHLOCK: 12... 11...

    JERK: What's not there, Snotty?

    SCHLOCK: 10... 9...

    SNOTT: I said, SNOTT HERE, CAPTAIN!

    SCHLOCK: 8... 7...

    JERK: Snotty, give me full power! Get us out of here fast!

    SCHLOCK: 6... 5...

    SNOTT: Ach, I canna do it. The toilets have backed up into the warp drive!
    It will take time to make repairs!

    SCHLOCK: 4... 3...

    JERK: Time? Mr. Schlock?

    SCHLOCK: 2... 1... WIPEOUT!

    * C R A S H * * B O O M * * S P L A T *

    SCHLOCK: Readings are off the scale, Captain! I have not encountered
    this phenomenon before.

    JERK: Damage report! Lieutenant Manura?

    MANURA: I dunno, but I say we took a shellackin' out here!

    SCHLOCK: Fascinating.

    JERK: What is it, Mr. Schlock?

    SCHLOCK: The force seems to have passed though us, and entered the surface
    of the planet Shwartz. Yet, tricorder readings fail to indicate any such
    energy from the planet.

    JERK: Opinion, Mr. Schlock?

    SCHLOCK: Insufficient data, Captain.

    JERK: Into the elevator, Mr. Schlock! Let's beam down to the planet's
    surface so I can find an alien to fall in love with before the program is
    over!

    SCHLOCK: You usually do.

    JERK: Ain't I somethin'! Uh, Mr. Lulu, you've got the conn.

    LULU: Thaaaank yeew, Captain Jerkkkkkk!

    (PFFFT! The door opens...)

    JERK: Elevator, transporter room.

    ELEVATOR: I'm fine, how are you?

    JERK: ELEVATOR, I SAID TRANSPORTER ROOM!

    ELEVATOR: I'm fine, how are you?

    JERK: Oh, forget it! Elevator to Engineering! Beam us down from here,
    Snotty!

    SNOTT: Aye aye, Captain! You are locked on coordinates now.

    JERK: Energize, Mr. Snott.

    (Standard transporter noises, fade to city traffic noises in background)

    SCHLOCK: Remarkable! There is no record of any such civilization as this
    on the planet Shwartz.

    JERK: Look, Schlock! Here comes a car... feast your Vulcan squinties on
    that driver!

    (Car screeches to a stop)

    SCHLOCK: Far out, Captain Jerk.

    GIRL: Want a lift, sailor?

    JERK: As a matter of fact, I do. I'll say 'goodbye' here, Mr. Schlock.
    Now you will have what you always wanted -- command of the BOOBYPRIZE!

    SCHLOCK: And you will have what you always wanted...

    JERK: What's that, Mr. Schlock?

    SCHLOCK: A bleached blond in red convertible on planet Shwartz.

    JERK: Ain't I somethin'! Well, say 'bye-bye' to Starfleet command for me,
    and I will see you on 'Hollywood Squares'!

    SCHLOCK: Bye-bye, Jim.

    (Sound of car driving off)

    SCHLOCK: I thought he would never go.

    (Sound of communicator opening)

    SCHLOCK: Schlock to BOOBYPRIZE!

    SNOTT: Snott here, Mr. Schlock.

    SCHLOCK: What's not there, Lieutenant Snott?

    SNOTT: I said, SNOTT HERE, MISTER SCHLOCK!

    SCHLOCK: That's CAPTAIN Schlock.

    SNOTT: Aye?

    SCHLOCK: Make it ONE to beam up!

    (Music surge)
    (peterpuck9)
    HyperLink  
    Current Rating 9.4 (5 votes)
    Played on 144 shows:
    10-07-17, #AOTA-17100709-14-86, #86-37
    09-30-17, #KMCC- 12-0309-07-86, #KMET-86-36
    09-30-17, #AOTA-17093007-13-86, #KMET-86-28
    08-19-17, #KMCC-T12-4007-13-86, #86-28
    06-24-17, #KMCC-T12-3205-25-86, #86-21
    09-10-16, #AOTA-16091004-06-86, #86-14
    09-10-16, #WOTR_1401-26-86, #KMET-86-04
    05-30-15, #AOTA-15053001-05-86, #KMET-86-01
    03-08-15, #BWR-15-03-0811-24-85, #KMET-85-47
    03-07-15, #15-1011-17-85, #85-46
    03-01-14, #14-0910-20-85, #KMET-85-42
    11-03-13, #13-44-Live10-13-85, #KMET-85-41
    01-05-13, #13-0108-25-85, #KMET-85-34
    09-11-12, #BWR-12-09-1108-25-85, #85-34
    08-31-12, #MMDT20_12-3507-07-85, #85-27
    10-09-10, #10-4105-12-85, #KMET-85-19
    10-02-10, #10-4002-17-85, #85-07
    10-18-09, #MMCZ-09-3810-14-84, #84-42
    07-10-09, #KSWD-09-SP107-29-84, #84-31
    05-03-09, #09-1804-15-84, #84-16
    01-17-09, #ROTP_23003-13-83, #83-11
    08-31-07, #MMDT20_07-3411-14-82, #82-46
    05-13-07, #07-1910-11-81, #81-41
    05-13-07, #07-1903-15-81, #KMET-81-11
    05-06-07, #MMS-7612-28-80, #KMET-80-52
    09-03-06, #06-3612-07-80, #80-49
    07-01-06, #ROTP_09709-07-80, #80-36
    06-25-06, #06-2602-10-80, #80-06
    05-06-06, #ROTP_08912-30-79, #KSAN-79-52
    02-21-06, #MMS-1812-30-79, #79-52
    01-28-06, #ROTP_07512-16-79, #79-50
    01-14-06, #MMS-1309-02-79, #79-35
    11-27-05, #05-4806-17-79, #79-24
    04-03-05, #XM-9704-22-79, #79-16
    03-06-05, #05-1003-04-79, #79-09
    02-15-04, #04-0712-31-78, #78-46
    11-11-01, #01-4512-31-78, #KMET-78-52
    05-28-00, #00-2210-15-78, #78-35
    01-10-99, #99-0209-10-78, #78-29
    06-28-98, #98-2607-23-78, #78-22
    09-21-97, #97-3806-25-78, #78-18
    09-29-96, #96-3905-28-78, #78-14
    07-14-96, #96-2804-30-78, #78-10
    05-05-96, #96-1804-02-78, #78-6
    10-15-95, #95-4203-05-78, #78-2
    10-08-95, #95-4102-26-78, #78-1
    09-03-95, #95-3601-01-78, #KMET-78-01
    09-11-94, #94-3701-30-77, #131
    02-27-94, #94-0901-02-77, #127
    08-01-93, #93-3101-02-77, #KMET-77-01
    01-31-93, #93-0512-12-76, #124
    08-02-92, #92-3111-14-76, #120
    01-05-92, #92-0110-24-76, #117
    09-15-91, #91-3709-26-76, #113
    05-19-91, #91-2009-05-76, #110
    02-10-91, #91-0608-08-76, #106
    07-22-90, #90-2907-11-76, #102
    04-22-90, #90-1606-13-76, #98
    02-18-90, #90-0705-23-76, #95
    01-07-90, #KLSX-90-0105-09-76, #93
    12-31-89, #89-5304-25-76, #91
    12-03-89, #89-4904-11-76, #89
    08-13-89, #89-3303-28-76, #87
    04-02-89, #89-1403-14-76, #85
    07-31-88, #88-3103-07-76, #84
    06-26-88, #88-2602-29-76, #83
    03-20-88, #88-1202-22-76, #82
    12-27-87, #KLSX-87-5202-15-76, #81
    11-15-87, #87-4602-01-76, #79
    05-31-87, #87-2201-18-76, #77
    12-28-86, #86-5201-11-76, #76
    12-28-86, #KMET-86-5212-28-75, #KMET-75-52
    = Show you can listen to online
    Song Images:
    Messages about the song: "Star Drek (original version)"
     
     
    peterpuck9   Offline  -  Participant  -  04-03-13 01:37 AM  -  5 years ago
    fiogf49gjkf0d
    Ok, thank you for your help. I'll have to work on the "new version" lyrics. There are a few differences.
    Dave AuJus   Offline  -  Artist & D.J.  -  04-03-13 01:29 AM  -  5 years ago
    fiogf49gjkf0d
    I concur with Pete on this one. I hear the "D" on the new version but not on the original version.

    ---
    peterpuck9:

    I think I hear the "d" in the "new" version.
    Stavro Arrgolus   Online  -  Editor, MP3  -  04-03-13 01:07 AM  -  5 years ago
    fiogf49gjkf0d
    Then that would be for a different page since this is clearly marked as the original. I could change that one.

    Well, bugger me. I heard it, too. There are no lyrics on the page for the new version, though. And listening to it, I'm not entirely sure if the 'd' was purposely added or it just came out that way. But I'll add it to any new lyrics because I'm just anal like that. And being retentive about these things makes for good editing.
    peterpuck9   Offline  -  Participant  -  04-03-13 01:03 AM  -  5 years ago
    fiogf49gjkf0d
    I think I hear the "d" in the "new" version.
    Stavro Arrgolus   Online  -  Editor, MP3  -  04-03-13 12:53 AM  -  5 years ago
    fiogf49gjkf0d
    I don't either. Admittedly, I saw this earlier today, listened to it a couple of times just to make sure and promptly forgot to respond to this (it was naptime - pitiful, I know). And since my hearing blows goats, I have massive ancient speakers on both sides of this living room to nail every nuance with, so I'm rather sure about this one.

    Besides, why would Pickett have changed the classic opening line?
    peterpuck9   Offline  -  Participant  -  04-03-13 12:47 AM  -  5 years ago
    fiogf49gjkf0d
    Honestly, I don't hear the "d" at the end.
    Stavro, what do you think?
    I'm listening to the Dr. Demento 25th anniversary version.
    ---
    WEE-BIT-O-MUSTARD:

    RE: Lyrics:
    At the begining, he says "SPAAAAACED" not "SPAAAACE"
    Listen carfully. You'll hear it.
    Source: mint copy of the Vince Emory LP 'Star Trek Comedy'

    Art B.
    WEE-BIT-O-MUSTARD   Offline  -  Member  -  04-02-13 02:09 AM  -  5 years ago
    fiogf49gjkf0d
    RE: Lyrics:
    At the begining, he says "SPAAAAACED" not "SPAAAACE"
    Listen carfully. You'll hear it.
    Source: mint copy of the Vince Emory LP 'Star Trek Comedy'

    Art B.
    kma1757   Offline  -  Member  -  08-14-08 04:43 PM  -  10 years ago
    fiogf49gjkf0d
    My take on the elevators response, and especially since this was done in the 70's, was that the elevator was presented as stoned, and therefore not operating properly, so it miss-understood Captain Jerk's request. My two cents. Could just be I was stoned also.
    TheBurkissWay   Offline  -  Member  -  07-31-07 04:37 AM  -  11 years ago
    fiogf49gjkf0d
    MARLINSGIRL - "I'm fine, how are you?" is a sarcastic response the elevator gives to the rather brusque command.

    It's a response typically given by people who do not work well with coworkers rudely barking their orders this way and that. If someone enters the office and loudly shouts out an order, the worker may ignore the command for a few seconds before replying "I'm fine, how are you?" implying that the coworker should start over with, "Good afternoon, Susan, and how are you today?" and continuing with "Oh, I'm hanging in there, you know me. Say, I was wondering if you could lend me a copy of the certificate with the title 'End of the World'. Have you got that? Thanks a bunch, and may you live in interesting times, everloving Mistress of Light."
      Online  -   -  07-31-07 04:22 AM  -  11 years ago
    fiogf49gjkf0d
    MARLINSGIRL: "I'm fine, how are you?" is a sarcastic response to what the elevator considers brusque commands.

    It's a response usually given by anyone who doesn't react well to rude or bossy coworkers. If someone bursts into a room and shouts an order, the worker may ignore the command for a few seconds before replying "I'm fine, how are you?" to imply that the coworker should start over with "Hello, So-and-So, how are you today?" and continue with "Say, could you get such-and-such task done soon? Thanks a bunch!"
    peterpuck9   Offline  -  Participant  -  11-18-06 02:29 PM  -  11 years ago
    fiogf49gjkf0d
    The elevator is acting silly and won't take them to the transporter room to beam down so Snotty beams them down.......P

    --- MarlinsGirl
    I\'ve listened to this many times, and I don\'t understand this part of it.

    JERK: Elevator, transporter room.

    ELEVATOR: I\'m fine, how are you?

    JERK: ELEVATOR, I SAID TRANSPORTER ROOM!

    ELEVATOR: I\'m fine, how are you?

    JERK: Oh, forget it! Elevator to Engineering! Beam us down from here,
    Snotty!

    Can someone kindly explain it.

    Terri M.
    Nirgal38   Offline  -  Member  -  11-18-06 01:54 PM  -  11 years ago
    fiogf49gjkf0d
    This was the song that got me my free Dr. Demento T-shirt, a pack of gum and a Certificate of Dementia.

    That was some time in 1977 or 78. I just remember my call:

    This is Jim from the demented town of Fruitland, Idaho where we get demented on KBBK. Please play that dastardly demented disk of the sci-fi hi-fi, Star Drek!
    MarlinsGirl   Offline  -  Participant  -  09-20-06 09:45 PM  -  12 years ago
    fiogf49gjkf0d
    I've listened to this many times, and I don't understand this part of it.

    JERK: Elevator, transporter room.

    ELEVATOR: I'm fine, how are you?

    JERK: ELEVATOR, I SAID TRANSPORTER ROOM!

    ELEVATOR: I'm fine, how are you?

    JERK: Oh, forget it! Elevator to Engineering! Beam us down from here,
    Snotty!

    Can someone kindly explain it.

    Terri M.
      Offline  -   -  04-13-05 06:17 AM  -  13 years ago
    fiogf49gjkf0d
    First heard this in 1979 and thought it was fantastic. Later found out one of the guys was Bobby "Boris" Pickett (who scored an No. 1 hit in 1962 with "Monster Mash"). Never was a big Star Trek fan, but this takeoff was great.
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