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Song Details
Rank this week: 6 (↑51)
Duration: 4:06 (Wacky Ben) 
Release Date: 3/9/2012  (DJ Particle) 
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HOW TO SPEAK SHOEBOX
Written by ShoEboX

Narrator: Language tape #6 - A beginner's introductory primer to talking like Shoebox of Worm Quartet.
(intro music)
Narrator: The basis of Shoebox's language, or "Hyper-Nonbulgarian SuperHyperUltraWonderspeak", is centered around the concept of incessant greeting. For example, when meeting someone for the first time, the formal greeting is used.
*bing!*
Shoebox: Hi!
Narrator: Now you try it.
*bing!*
Listener 1: (apathetically): Um...hi.
Narrator: No no, I'm afraid that's very bad. You'll have to be shot.
(KA-BLAM!)
Listener 1: Aaaaagghh!! (dies)
Narrator: Would anyone else like to try?
*bing!*
Listener 2: (perfectly) Um...Hi!
Narrator: Yes, very good! Here, have a squid.
Listener 2: All right! This is going straight up my nose!
Narrator: Now then. When greeting a friend whom one has not seen in many years, the less formal familiar form of the greeting is used.
*bing!*
Shoebox: Hi!
Narrator: Now you try it.
*bing!*
Listener 2: Hi!
Narrator: Very good! But not quite good enough to be deserving of additional squid.
Listener 2: Son of a...
Narrator: When greeting a friend whom one has not seen in several days, the formally familiar masculine form of the greeting is used.
*bing!*
Shoebox: Hi!
Narrator: Now you try it.
*bing!*
Listener 2: Am I gonna get a squid this time?
Narrator: No, you're going to get shot.
(Ka-BLAM!)
Listener 2: Aaaggh! (dies)
Narrator: Would anyone else like to try?
Listener 3: Hi!
Narrator: Much better. But we're all out of squid at the moment. For more squid, why not visit your local library?
Listener 3: Awesome!
Narrator: Now, when greeting a friend whom one has not seen in several minutes, or in as few as possibly seventeen seconds, the quasi-familiar formally feminine inversely semi-passive form should be used.
*bing!*
Shoebox: Hi!
Narrator: Now you try it.
*bing!*
Listener 3: Hi!
Narrator: f***ing excellent. Remember that the proper accentuation of the syllables is absolutely vital in order for your words to be correctly interpreted by a native Shoebox speaker, such as Shoebox. Mispronunciation can have disastrous consequences, as illustrated in the following scene at a stapler enthusiast convention:
*bing!*
(talking and stapling in background, maybe?)
Shoebox: Hi!
Peon (apathetically): Hi.
Shoebox: Really? Well, okay, I've got a blender right here! Pull down your pants!
*whirring and screaming*
Narrator: In addition, proper grammar when speaking Shoebox is vital. All punctuation marks must be announced, as obnoxiously as possible, using the term "dammit." Consider the following scene at Eddie's Redundant Food Hut:
*bing*
(talking in background, maybe?)
Shoebox: I'd like a crouton sandwich and some mashed potatoes with tater tots, dammit!
Narrator: Now you try!
Listener 3: Eddie's Redundant Food Hut?
Narrator: Yes! You've never been? They have a marvelous beefburger on whole meat bread with beef, exquisite tomatoes in ketchup, fantastic cream of milk soup, and a great pita in a pita in a pita in a pita in a pita.
Listener 3: I don't remember what I was supposed to say now.
Narrator: Oh. Well then I suppose it wouldn't be fair to...
(KA-BLAM!)
Listener 3: Aaaggh! (dies)
Narrator: Whoops, sorry about that, I thought I saw a puppy. Anyway, you should now be speaking pigeon-Shoebox. Be sure to pick up language tape #7, advanced Shoebox speak, when we will learn how to combine the skills we've learned on this tape...
*bing!*
Shoebox: Hi, dammit!
Narrator: And language tape #8, when we will discuss the correct way to obnoxiously mention nipples at least twice in every sentence.
*bing!*
Shoebox: Hi! My nipples are all nippled with nipply nippleness, dammit!
Narrator: And don't forget to pick up language tape #9, How to speak fluent Luke Ski in emergency situations
*bing!*
Luke: AAAGGHH!! HELP!! I'm on fire!! By the way, my CDs are for sale at my merch table in the back for only $15! Don't forget to sign up for on e-mailing list at lukeski.com! AAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHH IT BURNS!!!! (Gilbert:) IS IT GOOD? NO!! (Luke:) AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!...(fade)
(MarlinsGirl)
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Current Rating 10.0 (1 vote)
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