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Song Details
Rank this week: 24 (↑36)
Duration: 5:18 
Release Date: 1980  (sav-man) 
Lyrics By: Ray Stevens (sav-man) 
Music By: Ray Stevens (sav-man) 
Produced By: Ray Stevens (sav-man) 
Released By: RCA Records (sav-man) 
Published By: Ray Stevens Music (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI  #1335683 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
  • Lyrics posted here are NOT the original version. (CaptainJack2)
  • Ray wrote this after an experience with noisy shriners at a motel where he was staying (he meant it to be good-natured, though). (sav-man)
  • The above-named album was one of the very few all-comedy song albums Ray released during the 1975-1983 period. (sav-man)
  • From the SHRINER'S CONVENTION album in 1980. (sav-man)
  • Song Lyrics:
    The Shriner’s Convention
    (Ray Stevens)

    Well, they come down Main Street, drums a-flailing and the sirens a-wailing what a roar.
    Bands are a-playing and flags are a-waving, and the vanguard's a motorcycle corps.
    Clowns are a-clowning to the crowd and pinching every pretty girl who dares to smile
    It's a glorious mess; everybody wears a fez; the parade stretches out for a mile.

    It's a typical American phenomenon where all the members have a fine old time.
    It's the forty-third annual Convention of the Grand Mystic Royal Order
    Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine

    Girls: Meanwhile, back at the Motel

    "Hello, Operator, give me room 321, please, thank you. Hello, Noble Lumpkin? This here is the Illustrious Potentate. I said it's the Illustrious Potentate. The Illustrious--Coy! Dadblame it! This here's Bubba! Coy, why ain't you at the parade? What? Well, how'd you get that big Harley up there in your room? What? I can't hear ya' Coy! Quit revving it up, son! Turn it off! Listen I just want you to know one thing. You have embarrassed us all, the whole Hahira Delegation! Now, I'll see you at the banquet tonight, son. And you be there Coy, you hear me? Black tie! Seven o'clock! Be there! And Coy, don't answer the phone, udden udden! Mercy"

    Well, it was all arranged by the Ladies Auxiliary in the downtown Convention Hall
    Cold roast beef, string beans, mashed potatoes and nine boring speeches in all
    And all the tables looked fine with their Mogen David Wine and Chrysanthemums on each side
    And the Hahira leaders in their rented tuxedos made the local hearts swell with pride

    It's a typical American phenomenon where all the members have a fine old time
    It's the forty-third annual Convention of the Grand Mystic Royal Order
    Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine

    Meanwhile, back at the Motel

    "Operator, 321, please. Thank You. Hello, Coy? What are you doing? What do you mean, who is this! This is Bubba? Why wasn't you at the banquet? What do you mean all you had to wear was a Hawaiian flowerdy shirt? Well, you may think you're fooling some people, but I know what's going on. Yeah, Everybody seen the little redhead. That's right, everybody! Why she come running right through the dinner, right in the middle of the pineapple sherbet. Didn't have nothing on but your fez, Coy! Coy, you the only one's got a fez with a propeller on top!! Yeah, yeah and she was a yelling out the secret code, too, Coy. Dad blame it we gonna have to change it now, Coy! We gonna have to have a special meeting; we get back to Hahira, about your conduct at this here convention. Embarrassing!! Now Coy, you be at the secret conclave tonight! You hear me? And Coy, keep it a secret! Hah!"

    Well, it was a secret meeting in the dead of the night with mysterious sanctimony
    In accordance with prescribed rituals of time honored ceremony
    Matters of grave concern were weighed with dedicated caution
    Like whether or not to raise at stud or draw or spit in the ocean

    It's a typical American phenomenon where all the members have a fine old time
    It's the forty-third annual Convention of the Grand Mystic Royal Order
    Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine

    Meanwhile, back at the Motel:

    "Operator, room three-twenty...How'd you know? Oh! Hello! Coy? Where have you been? No, you wasn't at the meeting! Well, I found out that at three o'clock this morning, you was out there in your Fruit of the Loom's in the motel swimming pool with a bunch of them waitresses from the cocktail lounge! I just hope your mama don't find out about this, Coy! What? Well, how'd you get that big motorcycle up there on the high dive, Coy? Now Coy, dad blame it, that ain't no way to act. We supposed to be pillars of the community. When we get back to Hahira you can just turn in your ring and your tie tack cause Coy, hee, hee, you are out of the Shrine! You gonna be blackballed, boy! That's right! You might even have to pack your bags and leave town! What do you mean, you might join the Hell's Angels? Coy! Don't you hang up on me! Hello, hello...Don't you crank that motorcycle! Who's that giggling in the background, Coy? Hello, hello operator! Yeah, we's cut off! Room 321. Dad blame it Coy! You don't hang up on the Illustrious Potentate! I said the Illustrious Potentate! This is Bubba! Bubba! Coy!"
    Current Rating 8.8 (4 votes)
    Song Images:
    Messages about the song: "Shriner's Convention"
    Stavro Arrgolus   Offline  -  Editor, MP3  -  01-01-10 04:03 PM  -  8 years ago
    Someone made a fuss and all the reissues must have the line taken out. It's not in the copy we have. What Ray did live was always something totally other and those sorts of lines found their way back in- among other things.

    peterpuck9   Offline  -  Participant  -  12-31-09 11:51 PM  -  8 years ago
    I hate the way that groups get so easily offended at nothing. Great song though, either way!
    CaptainJack2   Offline  -  Member  -  12-31-09 07:05 PM  -  8 years ago
    The lyrics posted here are NOT the original version lyrics from the 1980 Album of the same name. In the original version, during the second phone call as Bubba is railing on Coy about the "the little red head", Bubba stops in mid sentence and says,

    "Whaddya mean? It don't make no difference if she was sent over from the Knights of Columbus"

    Obviously, this version offended members of the K of C who must have petitioned Ray to rewrite the song. The lyrics posted here are the apparent result of that protest. This is a case of a cupcake needing to toughen up a little. The song was written in good humor and has been repeatedly requested by Shriners at conventions when Ray has been booked as the entertainment.
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