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Song Details
Duration: 3:05 
Release Date: 1981  (MarlinsGirl) 
Lyrics By: Joe Raposo (MarlinsGirl) 
Music By: Joe Raposo (MarlinsGirl) 
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  • Residents of Happiness Hotel, featuring Pops, Scooter, Rizzo, Crazy Harry, Lew Zealand, Rowlf, Swedish Chef, Sam the Eagle, and the Electric Mayhem, welcome Kermit, Gonzo, and Fozzie (MarlinsGirl)
  • Song Lyrics:
    Pops: HEY! Somebody's checking in!
    All: (emerging from their rooms): Somebody's checking in????!
    (Music commences)

    Pops:
    Oh, there's no fire in the fireplace; there's no carpet on the floor
    Don't try to order dinner; there's no kitchen anymore
    But if the road's been kind of bumpy and you need to rest a spell
    All:
    Well, welcome home, to Happiness Hotel.



    (Dialogue) Pops: Hey, how you guys fixing to pay?
    Kermit: What are our choices?
    Pops: A) cash, b) credit card, c) sneak out in the middle of the night.
    Fozzie: We'll take "c."
    Pops: Very popular choice.



    Scooter:
    If you got luggage, keep it handy but you're runnin' out of luck
    'Cause the bellhops ain't too organized and the elevator's stuck
    Rizzo:
    So if you don't mind friendly animals and can learn to stand the smell
    All:
    Well, welcome home, to the Happiness Hotel.


    (Dialogue) Kermit: Y'know, I may be mistaken, but the bellhops look like rats.
    Rowlf: You should see the chambermaids!



    All:
    Welcome home (welcome home),
    Welcome home (welcome home),
    No matter where you wander, you will never do as well


    Floyd:
    Okay, the lobby's looking shabby and it's got the wrong address
    Dr.Teeth:
    And the whole dang thing has been condemned by American Express
    Janice:
    Still the management is cheerful, though the whole joint's gone to hell
    The Electric Mayhem-all:
    Well, welcome home, to the Happiness Hotel.


    (Dialogue) Kermit: [to the Electric Mayhem]: You guys live here?
    Floyd: Yeah, but only between gigs, so that means we've been here this time...what?...five years?
    Janice: Well, like, okay, y'know, I mean, like, okay, things are really gonna break as soon as we get our new glossies!
    (Animal takes this opportunity to scream and growl furiously: RARGHHH!)
    Kermit: What's wrong with the drummer, he seems a little crazed.
    Zoot: Oh, he's just upset about missing the Rembrandt exhibit at the National Gallery.
    Animal: RENOIR! RENOIR!



    Rowlf (with Rizzo & Rats):
    Oh, there are bugs (there are bugs)
    And there are lice (there are lice)
    Scooter:
    Sure, we have our little problems, but you'll never beat the price
    Fozzie:
    You got every kind of critter,
    Gonzo:
    You got every kind of pest,
    Pops:
    But we treat 'em all as equals just like any other guest
    Electric Mayhem:
    Though you're cleaner than the others, still as far as we can tell,
    All:
    You'll fit right in at Happiness Hotel
    Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo et al.:
    We'll fit right in at Happiness Hotel!!



    Gonzo: Say cheese! (flashes camera with huge bulb, blinding everyone)
    Sam the Eagle: (coming out from room upstairs) You are ALL weirdos! Ugh.
    (MarlinsGirl)
    Happiness Hotel--The Muppets(View Larger)

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