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Song Details
Duration: 4:27 
Release Date: 1/12/1993  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: Denis Leary/Chris Phillips (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: Denis Leary/Chris Phillips (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Joe Blaney/Chris Phillips (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: A & M Records (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Mullet Head Music Publishing/Slap Meat Music/Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI  #1822469 
Song Lyrics:
(album version)


Folks....I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
about me, about you
about the way our American hearts beat way down
in the bottom of our chests
About the special feeling we get in the
cockles of our hearts
Maybe below the cockles
Maybe in the sub-cockle area
Maybe in the liver
Maybe in the kidneys
Maybe even in the colon, we don't know


I'm just a regular Joe
with a regular job
I'm your average white suburbanite slob
I like football and porno and books about war
I've got an average house
with a nice hardwood floor
My wife and my job, my kids and my car
My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar

But sometimes that just ain't enough
to keep a man like me interested
(oh no) no way (uh-uh)
No, I've got to go out and have fun
at someone else's expense
(oh yeah) yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah
I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane
while people behind me are going insane

I'm an a*****e (he's an a*****e, what an a*****e)
I'm an a*****e (he's an a*****e, such an a*****e)

I use public toilets
and I **** on the seat
I walk around in the summertime saying,
"How about this heat?"

I'm an a*****e (he's an a*****e, what an a*****e)
I'm an a*****e (he's the world's biggest a*****e)

Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces
while handicapped people make handicapped faces

I'm an a*****e (he's an a*****e, what an a*****e)
I'm an a*****e (he's a real f***ing a*****e)

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong


I'm an a*****e (he's an a*****e, what an a*****e)
I'm an a*****e (he's the world's biggest a*****e)


You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible
Hot pink with whaleskin hubcaps
and all leather cow interior
and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights
Yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby
at 115 mph getting one mile per gallon
sucking down quarter pounder cheeseburgers
from McDonalds in the old-fashioned
non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
and when I'm done sucking down those
greaseball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth
with the American flag and then I'm gonna
toss the styrofoam container right out the side
and there ain't a goddamned thing
anyone can do about it, you know why?
Because we've got the bombs, that's why
Two words: Nuclear f***ing weapons, OKAY?
Russia, Germany, Romania- they can have all
the democracy they want, they can have a big
democracy cake. Walk right through the middle of
Tiananmen square and it won't make a lick of
difference because we've got the bombs, okay?
John Wayne's not dead- he's frozen. And as soon
as we find the cure for cancer, we're gonna thaw
out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well, multiply that by fifteen million times. That's
how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get
the Duke and John Cassavetes
and Lee Marvin
And a case of whiskey and drive down to Texas...
(Hey, you know you really are an a*****e)
Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal
All the time I thought I was the a*****e and it was
really him. What an a*****e!


I'm an a*****e (he's an a*****e, what an a*****e)
I'm an a*****e (he's the world's biggest a*****e)

A-S-S H-O-L-E Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E


Arf arf arf arf arf arf arf
fhng chng tum a fung tum a fling chum

oooooh ooooooh


I'm an a*****e, and I'm proud of it.

©1993 Mullet Head Music/Slap Meat Music
(Stavro Arrgolus)
Current Rating 10.0 (2 votes)
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Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.

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