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Duration: 6:11 
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  • Parody of "The Smoke-Off" by Shel Silverstein. (peterpuck9)
  • Song Lyrics:
    In a laid back section of Heaven
    Where the writers of Doggerel dwell
    There was a poetry hack named Suzi Sweetverse
    Perhaps you knew her well

    She wrote with a style to make everyone smile
    Her verse was never terse or mean
    The angels would attest her stuff was best...
    Then along came Silverstein

    Shel was looking around; he hadn't quite found
    His afterlife home; he must decide
    Would it be neater do go with Saint Peter
    Or go "south" where it's hot to reside?

    Should he dwell in Heaven or Hell?
    He was lost in contemplation
    But his reverie stopped temporarily
    By a gold-embossed invitation

    It said, "Greetings! You're challenged to a meeting
    Of minds to see which is best!
    Who will fall in a winner-take-all
    Suzie Sweetverse's versus your verses contest?!"

    He pondered this for a moment
    And in a shrewd palabar, our Shel
    Said he'd be glad to meet if he got a suite
    At the Heaven Hilton Hotel

    The die was cast; the date was set
    They rented the Moon for the show
    *LIVE IN THE SEA OF TRANQUILITY*
    Where Neil headlined 30 years ago

    All the angels were thrilled and soon they filled
    The craters and sat on moon rocks
    And there, looking "ova" the crowd, was Jehovah;
    He had His own private box

    Then the sky turned red as a feeling of dread
    Fell over the multitudes
    With style and panache and cameras' flash
    In came the Underword celebrity dudes

    There were killers and liars, atheists and friars
    And men who sold used cars
    Despots and kings, men who had flings,
    Politicians and movie stars

    Bottom-feeders, Playboy readers,
    Crooks that'll shark a loan,
    A Boy Named Sue and every group you can view
    o/~ On the Cover of the Rolling Stone o/~

    Pacifist, fighters, political writers
    Even a cartoonist or two
    One line reached as far as the furthest star...
    The lawyers...yeah, you knew.

    A bright spotlight cut the lunar night
    And the crowd let out a roar
    As their eyes fell on Suzi and Shel
    Prepared to rhyme on that crater floor

    Old Methuselah, he was the referee
    And he gave them this advice:
    "You can rhyme any word but, once it's heard,
    You cannot rhyme it twice!

    "I'm telling you two, each rhyme must be new;
    One never used before
    If you're a fool and break this rule,
    You get a zero score!"

    Both contestants agreed the rules they would heed
    And then, with a mighty grin,
    Methuselah faced the crowd and shout out loud,
    "LET THE RHYMING BEGIN!"

    Suzi jumped ahead with "Roses are Red";
    Her first point was automatic
    Shel exclaimed, "Girl, that's so lame!
    Have you no Light In the Attic?"

    Then Uncle Shelby, easy as A-B-Z,
    Made a poem to beat the bland.
    He got a standing ovation for his oration
    About the Bendable Foldable
    Easily moldable
    Buy-what you're-soldable
    Washable Mendable
    Highly Dependable
    Buyable Saleable
    Always available
    Bounceable Shakeable
    Almost unbreakable
    Twistable Turnable Man

    Suzi bounced back with a poem about flowers
    And how they smell so sweet
    But when Shel said, "Maybe, Someone Ate the Baby,"
    The crowd jumped to its feet!

    Suzi's poems were clawing and oh so "annow-ying";
    And Shel's were all from left field
    But, eye-to-eye, the score stayed tied
    And both refused to yield

    They rhymed every word in English;
    Every word Funk and Wagnall knew
    They rhymed in Chinese and Portuguese
    And the dark dialect of Poo-ga-roo

    They rhymed in Greek, in Apache and Creek
    And in Latin - both Pig and Classic
    They proceeded on through the lexicon
    Of languages back to Jurassic

    In the twenty-sixth millineum since the begin-neum
    Suzi and Shel were haggard and weak
    Shel had completed a limerick quite heated
    In the lost tribal tounge of Mozambique

    Then all words did stop...you could hear a pin drop...
    The only sound was the astral clock's chime
    Methuselah said, "Friends, this is where it all ends;
    There are no words left to rhyme!"

    "No more words?!" Suzi screamed. "After all this work,
    This contest ends in a draw?!?"
    Methuselah said, "Yes! That is, unless,
    you can rhyme a NEW word! It's the law!"

    Then Shel shook his head; he smiled and he said,
    "I think that this is fine.
    A tie for a guy for a real good try
    Or my name ain't Silver-....stein!"

    The crowd jumped up and a cheer erupted
    And Methuselah declared Shel the winner
    And Suzi protested, "I can't have been bested!
    You cheated, you Silverstein sinner!"

    Shel was ready to go, then a bright golden glow
    Revealed the Big Cheese of all Creation
    God asked Shel to stay in Heaven that day
    And make poems his eternal vocation

    He said, "The sidewalks are gold; you'll never grow old
    And on clouds you'll happily reside.
    I hope that you stay...and that's all that I'll stay.
    It's up to you to decide."

    Things are quiet in that section of Heaven;
    Shel decided to go with his friends
    Yes, Shel now dwells down in Hell
    Down Where the Sidewalk Ends.
    (ChrisWolvie)
    HyperLink  
    Current Rating 10.0 (1 vote)
    Played on 2 shows:
    08-26-07, #MMS-9010-03-99, #99-40
    = Show you can listen to online
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