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Song Details
Rank this week: 35 (↑18)
Duration: 3:12 
Release Date: 1977  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Monte Kay/Jack Lewis/G.Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Little David LD 1075 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Dead Sea Music Inc. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI (Stavro Arrgolus) 
  • At the beginning of this bit, Carlin asks the audience if they 'had a good halftime'. The listener could justify this by assuming there had been an intermission in the live performance. In reality, this likely was a reference to the beginning of Side 2 of the original LP which this bit was recorded to be and 'halftime' was intended to mean the interval of time it took to flip the LP over on the turntable. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    How are ya? Have a good halftime? Did you spell anything out? Hey...We were going to talk about kids. Getting into being a kid. 'Cause they've got extra things going against them. Besides being too young, kids have the extra disadvantage of being too small. You're too small, too little. It's true; you are kinda teeny. They start you out small, don't they? "Look at this, Dan. We've got a kid." "Say, looks like the one we had. Whatcha gonna do with him?" "Gonna raise him." "Well, don't plant him too deep."

    You're stuck down there and the whole world's up here. It must have some effect, huh? Everything is a stiff neck and a crotch view. Everything is built for them; all the furniture. Oh, they give you one little table and four chairs in your room, you know, but your brother sits on 'em and breaks them, right? Everything's a- eh, pardon me, excuse me, eh, pardon me, eh, could I have your attention? Eh, excuse me, eh, I'm down here. Watch out for the cigarette, will you? God, the cigarette! Eh, pardon me, would you take a look for the cookies? Would you take the cookies? They're up there somewhere. They're not down here. They don't leave 'em here. They're up there. Take a look, would you? Would you get the cookies? Hey, would you look? Would you help him? Hey, he knows where they are. Hey, tell him where the cookies are. Hey, could you could you could you... The only thing you're really familiar with is the nap of the rug, you know.

    And because you're so small...because you're so small... They pick you up and throw you in the air. You don't see 'em throwing each other in the air, do you? Just you because you're teeny. Your uncle comes over on Thanksgiving. "Ah, look at him! Ain't he little? I'm gonna throw him up in the air. Here we go! (Whoa! Ahhhh!) Okay, okay, all right, okay, I got ya, I got ya. (Splat!) Oh, oh Margaret, I'm sorry. I lost him in the sun. Is there any turkey left?"
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
    Current Rating 10.0 (1 vote)
    Played on 1 show:
    10-17-93, #93-42
    Song Images:
    Messages about the song: "Kids Are Too Small"
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    Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.

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