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Release Date: 2001  (DJ Particle) 
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The Chart Song

At a WorldCon I met her
I'll never forget her
She needed a cheap place to crash
We were real short on space
But I found her a place
Near my suitcase, the desk, and the trash
I was zonked and half dead
When she came to my bed
And I came her my touch and my heart
But my roommate walked in
And he caught us in sin
And it seems that I'm now on "The Chart"

La-dee-da La-dee-oh
I've got nowhere to go
For the edge of the paper's too near
I got mad, I got rude,
Yes, I came half unglued
But unscrewed is beyond me I fear
I've been chaste, I've been good
I've done just what I should
But I can't pull our lives back apart
For our Sherry and fun
Simply can't be undone
And I can't find my way off "The Chart"

I can't burn it with flame
I can't scorch off one name
I can't leave it outside to decay
My Eraser won't work
Though I rub, Though I jerked
It still seems I can't get off no way
For those lines aren't of ink
As you'd probably think
They're just two marks
From Cupid's one dart
And it's no average curse
It won't work in reverse
And I can't find my way off "The Chart"

I've tried Yoga, tried prayer
I've tried dying my hair
And I've shaved off my eyebrows and beard
But folks blow my cover
"There's so-and-so's lover.
Hey, how come he's made up so weird?"
In the huckster room I
Have to hide from the eye
From collectors of fanzines and art
How can I buy or sell
When the fans all know well
Who I am, where I stand on "The Chart"

La-dee-da La-dee-oh
I've got nowhere to go
For the edge of the paper's too near
I got mad, I got rude,
Yes, I came half unglued
But unscrewed is beyond me I fear
I've been chaste, I've been good
I've done just what I should
But I can't pull our lives back apart
For our Sherry and fun
Simply can't be undone
And I can't find my way off "The Chart"

I keep cats for their fur
and for feeling them purr
And I've trained mine to come when I call
For a bobcat a day keeps me two lynx away
Though I can't get no farther at all
They're the best friends I've found
And I'm glad they're around
But I'll lock mine outside 'cause I'm smart
If they slept in with me
And though no pen would see
There'd be two feline manes on "The Chart"

Though it makes my heart break
But I've known no mistake
That the making of love is no joke
For my Aunt's lover's prong
Was sixteen inches long
And last summer she died of a stroke
Still when I hear that rumor
I loose my good humor
I scream, I tip over the cart
I don't care if it's true
I'd have never told you
And I can't find my way off "The Chart"

La-dee-da La-dee-oh
I've got nowhere to go
For the edge of the paper's too near
I got mad, I got rude,
Yes, I came half unglued
But unscrewed is beyond me I fear
I've been chaste, I've been good
I've done just what I should
But I can't pull our lives back apart
For our Sherry and fun
Simply can't be undone
And I can't find my way off "The Chart"

Now the years pass and fail
And I weep and I wail
For I'm still linked the same as before
I can't hug I can't kiss
I can't That I can't this
For I know someone's bound to keep score
No I can't rub your feet
That would be indiscreet
I can't kiss you though your lips be tart
You can scream you can moan (bone?)
But you'll walk home alone
I just don't want to be on "The Chart"

The sherry and "knowing"
Was easy as going
From Frisco to Oakland by B.A.R.T.
But there's only one track
So there's no coming back
And I can't find my way off "The Chart"

I should be in France
Teaching children to dance
Watching plays by Anulia and Sarte
But I can't leave the States
Because planes have high rates
And besides that I'm nailed to "The Chart"

(and now the part you've all been waiting for)
Except for deep breathing
The only obscene thing
I've done since last April is (BLEEP!)
And when I say your next
I'll pretend I'm un-sexxed
And we'll go separate places to sleep
But I can't find my way off "The Chart!"
(Emclark)
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Current Rating 6.9 (1 vote)
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Messages about the song: "The "Chart" Song"
 
 
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