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| Facts: |
| This was another of the mainstays of Hicks' act. Bill's stance on drugs was unique at the time and snippets of this bit are always cited whenever overviews of his material are referenced in the media. (Stavro Arrgolus) |
| Originally from the album "Relentless" (Invasion, 1992). Other versions vary slightly. (Stavro Arrgolus) |
| Web pages about this song: |
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| Song Lyrics: |
(Audience member: "You have a bad attitude") We've only just begun... I got all sorts of new dark s**t for you, my man. You ever dance with the devil in the moonlight? I don't know what my attitude is, I'm trying to work on it all this time, you know. I'm drinking water tonight, that's pretty amazing, water, it's really weird how your life changes, you know what I mean, water.
Four years ago-opium. Isn't that weird, I mean, really! Night and day, night and f***ing day! Some of y'all may remember me, I was a drinker. I was a weekend drinker, you know, I'd start on Saturday, and end on Friday, and I thought I was controlling it there. I don't drink anymore, I don't do drugs any more, either, than, I'd say the average touring funk band. I had to add it up. No, I don't do drugs any more, either. But I'll tell you something about drugs, I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it's not a very popular idea, you don't hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth- I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day. Sorry. Now, where's my commercial? Why don't I get a commercial? Why is it always that other guy that gets the commercial? "I lost my job, then my car, then my house, then my kids. Don't do drugs." Well, I'm definitely not doing them with you, f**k! Man, you're bumming me out, get him out of here! Who invited Mr. Doom over; get that guy out of here! That guy by the dip, he's bumming everyone out! He hasn't stopped talking, I wish he'd lose his f***ing voice! I mean, I've lost my car before, okay. Found it the next day, you know, no biggie. I don't think that warranted a commercial. "I lost my car and uh... oh, there it is by that dumpster! Forget it! See you tomorrow! Honk, honk!" You know, I've lost stuff, I'm not saying that.
I knew we were in trouble with that damn egg commercial, that guy. I knew that was the government's take on drugs, we're fucked, you know. "Here's your brain." I've seen a lot of weird s**t on drugs, I have never ever ever ever ever looked at an egg and thought it was a f***ing brain, not once, all right? I have seen UFO's split the sky like a sheet, but I have never ever ever looked at an egg and thought it was a f***ing brain, not once. I have had seven balls of light come off of a UFO, lead me onto their ship, explain to me telepathically that we are all one and there is no such thing as death, but I have never ever ever ever ever looked at an egg, and thought it was a f***ing brain. Now. Maybe I wasn't getting good s**t. I admit it, I see that commercial, I feel cheated. Hey, where's the stuff that makes eggs look like brains? That sounds neat. Did I quit too soon? What is that, CIA stash? You see the guy in that commercial, that guy's got a beer gut- "All right, this is it. Look up, man. This is your brain. I ain't doing this again. That's your - " The guy's drunk and doing this f***ing commercial. "Here's your brain." That's an egg! That's a frying pan, that's a stove, you're an alcoholic, dude, I'm tripping right now, and I still see that is a f***ing egg, all right? I see the UFO's around it, but that is a goddamn egg in the middle. There's a hobbit eating it, but, goddamn it, that hobbit is eating a f***ing egg. He's on a unicorn, but that dam-up-nup-oh-hop, that's a f***ing egg, yeah. How dare you have a wino tell me not to do drugs.
(From the audience) "Why did you quit?" Why did I quit? Because after you've been taken aboard a UFO, it's kind of hard to top that, all right. They have Alcoholics Anonymous, they don't have Alien Anonymous. I tell you what, though, going to AA meetings, which I have to do, but going there and hearing people talking about their f***ing booze stories, you know. "You know, I love the taste of gin, it's so good, tastes-" f**k you, I've been on a UFO, f**k off! I went drinking with aliens, you ******, shut up! "I lost my wife-" I lost an alien culture who wanted to take me to the planet Arcturus, f**k you! I mean, I don't know if I've got the resentment, you know, forgiveness part down in the book, but... (singing) "One day at a time . . ." I just cannot, you know, believe in a war against drugs when they've got anti-drug commercials on TV all day long, followed by, "This Bud's for you." I got news for you, folks. A-1, alcohol is a drug, and B-2, and here's the real one, alcohol kills more people than crack, coke and heroin ... combined each year. So, thanks for inviting me to your little alcoholic/drug den here tonight. You fine, upstanding citizens, you, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
Now. You know what, if I was going to have a drug be legal, it would not be alcohol, you know why? There's better drugs and better drugs for you. That's a fact, so you can stop your internal dialogue. "Wait a minute, Bill, alcohol is an accepted form of social interaction which for thousands of years has been the norm under which human beings have congregated in the form of social events and..." Shut the f**k up. Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you. Pot is a better drug than alcohol - fact, and I'll prove it. You're at a ballgame, you're at a concert, someone's really violent, aggressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot? (Audience) Drunk! The one and only correct answer, tell them what they've won, Johnny. I have never seen people on pot get in a fight because it is f***ing impossible! Hey, buddy. Hey, what? End of argument. Say you get in a car accident, and you've been smoking pot. You're only going four miles an hour. Vroom... CRASH. s**t, we hit something. Forgot to open the garage door, man. We got to get the garage door open so Domino's knows we're home!
But I'll tell you the truth, I have never heard one reason that rang true why marijuana is against the law. That rang true, now, I'm not talking about the reasons the government tells us, because I hope you know this, I think you do, all governments are lying cocksuckers. I hope you know that. Good. I mean, marijuana grows everywhere, it serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive, to make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a mistake, you know what I mean? It's like God, on the seventh day, looked down on his creation and said, "There it is. My creation. Perfect and holy in all ways. Now, I can rest... Oh, my me! I left f***ing pot everywhere! I should never have smoked that joint on the third day! s**t. If I leave pot everywhere, that's gonna give people the impression they're supposed to...use it. s**t. Now I have to create Republicans." So, you see, it's a vicious cycle.
And I'm not promoting the use of drugs, believe me, I'm not. I've had bad times on drugs, I mean, just look at this haircut. f**k. Tell you, I live in New York now, man, tell you, man, the war on drugs has taken a real cease fire there, it's, I mean, it's incredible. They sell drugs out loud on the street. "Heroin, heroin! Heroin, heroin!" "Coke, coke! Smoke, smoke!" "Heroin, heroin!" Those guys bug the s**t out of me. I'm walking down the street one day, this guy's walking ahead of me, passes one of those dealers, he looks at him, he goes, "Heroin, heroin, heroin!" I pass him, he goes, "Glue!" I can afford heroin, you ******. I'm doing laundry right now. Soon as my shirt's out of the cleaners, I'm coming back and buying some of that s**t from you! I mean, he embarrassed me to death, I was mortified. Glue. ******. Where's a bank machine? C'mere! C'mere, Mr. Dealer, c'mere! I'm gonna show you my balance! Then I'm gonna buy heroin from that little kid across the street! f**k you! New York's a rather tense town. (Stavro Arrgolus) |
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Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended
to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before
they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted
under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The
ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.
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