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Song Details
Gluttonous Guy 
By: Below Average Dave
Play Song (Creative Commons License):
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Duration: 8:29 
Release Date: 7/30/2008  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: Below Average Dave (belowaveragedave) 
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Licensing: CC 
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Facts:
  • Parody of "American Pie" by Don McLean (belowaveragedave)
  • Song Lyrics:
    Two hundred pounds ago
    It was late November
    when that turkey filled me for awhile
    That food had put me in a trance
    to the next course I would advance
    and, after, I'd eat pizza stacked in piles

    But all that salad made me quiver
    I'd rather eat pork chops than liver
    I just had a misstep
    My house fell down from that step

    I don't care if it's baked or fried
    Even Grilled Cheese, I'll open wide
    I'm not obese please stuff inside
    My crack's the great divide

    Put fries in this big Gluttonous Guy
    I'm too heavy for the Chevy
    'Cause of my big ol thighs
    And Ms Oprah Whinfrey's thinkin' I'm gonna die
    Sayin’, "please do not eat any more pie"
    "please do not eat any more pie."

    I love chocolate turtle doves
    And what Jenny Craig deprives me of
    She said go get lipo.
    I don't believe in self control
    I'm not that fat, I am just whole
    And late at night my belly moans real low

    Well, I know that I'll never be thin
    'cause I have no interest in gettin' trim
    My gut is rather huge
    Oh, I'll eat a buffet or two

    I ordered fried rice with a side of duck
    but my gosh I think it was freshly plucked
    'Cause as I ate I heard a cluck
    Oh well, at least they tried

    Now my mom's singing
    "My-My, my son's diet's a fright."
    Ate a bevy, now he's heavy
    and I hope he don't die
    I tried to save him but he wouldn't eat light
    saying , "I prefer my chicken deep fried."
    "I prefer my chicken deep fried."

    Now I can't get out of my home
    And roaches scatter when I start to moan
    But they're kinda cute the way they flee
    I've got may'naise on my home made jeans
    Still growing larger from my fat cuisine
    And my dad says I eat like a machine

    Oh, by now my story's world renowned
    and I'll never live the news cast down
    I was really quite concerned
    I'd die soon they had learned
    And while I'd eat all of Noah's ark
    or even a big killer shark
    And I'm used to all the bad remarks
    I do not want to die

    News was saying
    "Big sized, Waist as big as ten guys."
    He's too heavy for his chevy,
    and he grows every night.
    This big ol' lard is making his mommy cry
    Saying "Soon he could be dead where he lies"
    "Soon he could be dead where he lies."

    Concur monsieur melt my weight sir
    Save me now before I falter
    Eight days and weight is melting fast
    I'm still gettin' quite harassed
    When people pass my big huge @$$
    My belly it still measures as quite vast

    Although it seemed the end of gloom
    Wouldn't be long before I'd balloon
    It took just one glance
    Oh, I ate soon as I had the chance
    It's then I think that I revealed
    It's lovely grease to which I can't yield
    I guess my fate is surely sealed
    I still have a huge hide

    Oh yeah we're singin
    "Dang, guy, won't you put down the fires."
    Got a belly looks like jelly,
    and you've gotta know why.
    Your mommy dearest is scared for your life
    prayin’, "this’ll be the diet he tries.
    "this’ll be the diet he tries."

    Oh, and I really have no grace
    When I am stuffing food in my face
    With no thought I start stuffing
    So come on: give me pancakes, make 'em thick
    And please no spinach it makes me sick
    and do you have syrup to lend

    Oh, and you saw me when I engaged
    I ate like a tiger locked in a cage
    I love the fresh meat smell
    It means it tastes real swell
    And though I prefer wheat to white
    To took exception to take a bite
    a Subway sandwich stacked double high
    Well hey, at least, I tried

    I'm still singing
    "why why am I addicted to pie."
    Like the deli's tortellini
    and chili on the side
    Them pizza boys just love my tips every night
    Singing, "this is gonna pay for my ride.
    "this is gonna pay for my ride"

    I really don't have an excuse
    I have been banned from every zoo
    But I swear I was only gonna play
    Ate a lion and heard him roar
    He's a delicacy that's for sure
    But then the poachers told me go away

    And in the night I eat Ice Cream
    Then some chips, and Taco Supreme
    My mom was outspoken
    The pants are ripped and broken
    And all my friends thought I was gross
    They left me fast, and took my toast
    They said I do not need no pork roast
    They say that soon I'll die

    And all are singing
    "My My, boy we hope you don't die"
    Give him cherries and some berries
    But no jelly or fries
    And them friends of mine were tryin' to save my life
    hopin' , "that'll fight my hunger this time'
    "try to fight my hunger this time."

    Now I'm singing
    "bye-bye, to my over sized fries"
    Lost my belly full of jelly
    getting starved every night
    Turns out all my friends and mommy were right
    Saying, "I can be happy without pie."
    (belowaveragedave)
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