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Song Details
Duration: 3:03 
Release Date: 1979  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: Dick Feller (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: Dick Feller (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By:
Released By: Lone Star L-4605 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By:
Licensing:
Keywords: COINS, COUNTRY, GUNS, RIP-OFFS, VENDING MACHINES 
Reviews:
This is an old school country song about crappy vending machines, complete with steel guitars and girl singers in the background. One of the great things about C&W (in the '70s, anyway) is that you could sing about silly subjects and still have it considered 'country'. No special label (dementia, novelty, nerdcore), nothing. You could have sung this song at the Grand Old Opry and nobody would have made a fuss. Though the part about the condom machines might have raised an eyebrow in 1979. Still, he never actually said 'condom', so the religious people wouldn't have been upset.

Good country tune, this.
- Stavro Arrgolus
Facts:
Song Lyrics:
I'm not one to get all exited
I'm seldom tense and I'm never uptight
but there's one thing that really do get me upset

That's them coin machines
Them nickel and dimers
Them out of order
Them work one timers
Them nickel and dime quarter grubbin' ripoffs!

I mean you get a case of the marijuana munchies
so you whip out a dime for some peanut crunchies
You put it in the slot, you pull the handle...and just nothin'!
So ya' cuss; ya beat it til yer hand is blue
Ya push and ya shove and ya kick it with your shoe
And finally, just walk away while it's blinkin' "Thank You"
which is machine talk for "We just stuck it to you, Hoss!"

(chorus:)
I'd like to meet the man who invented the coin machine
He must have hated mankind and every other livin' thing
I bet he had a motto on his wall in prose and rhyme sayin'
"You get nuthin' for a nickel- twice as much for a dime"

They offer you cigarettes, soft drinks, cigars, barbecued potato chips and all kinda candy bars, peanuts, popcorn, Cracker Jacks and red-hots. And you can pay a quarter for a nickel cone, get a throwaway razor and a shot of cologne, get a bad shoeshine. Damn thing even polishes your socks!

I think the worst ones you can see through the glass; you can see what you want, but you can bet your ..donkey there ain't no way short of a blowtorch you're gonna get nothin' outta there.

How about them on the men's room wall. You know what I mean, boys, you've seen 'em all. When ya lose 6 bits in one of them devils, you're just too embarrassed to complain, so you just kinda go home alone and talk to it.

(chorus)

I heard this story 'bout a fella one time who certainly is a hero of mine. He ranks right up there with Burt Reynolds, Hootie Lott and Willie Nelson. Seems there was this certain soft drink machine; it was rusty and old, cantankerous and mean- took him for one too many quarters and his mind snapped.

So he went out his car, looked under the seat, whipped out a .45, clean and neat, walked up to that machine and said, "Hand it over, son, it's your last chance." Then he shot that machine about 4 or 5 times right underneath that blinkin' 'Have a Coke' sign. It just coughed up $400 worth of quarters and dimes. The judge called it self-defense.

(chorus)
(Stavro Arrgolus)
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Current Rating 9.8 (3 votes)
Song Images:
Messages about the song: "Coin Machine Song"
 
 
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