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Song Details
Duration: 2:25 
Release Date: 1980  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: Monty Python (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Eric Idle (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Arista AL 9536 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Kay-Gee-Bee Music Ltd. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI  #3931401 
Keywords: ATHEISTS, BELLS, BIRTHDAY PRESENTS, CHURCHES, MISSILES, NOISE 
Reviews:
Facts:
  • This bit is originally from "Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album" (1980) (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    (Couple at home on Sunday morning. Loud bells
    in background
    )

    Man (Graham Chapman): I wish those bloody bells would stop.
    Woman (Terry Jones): Oh, It's quite nice, dear. It's Sunday. It's the church.
    M: What about us atheists? Why do we 'ave to listen to that sectarian turmoil?
    W: You're a lapsed atheist, dear.
    M: The principle's the same. Bleedin' C of E! The Mohammedans
    don't come round 'ere wavin' bells at us. We don't get Buddhists playing bagpipes in our bathroom, or Hindus 'armonizing in the hall. The Shintoists don't come 'ere shatterin' sheet glass in the shithouse and shoutin' shlogans!
    W: All right, don't practice your alliteration on me.
    M: Anyway, when I get my membership card and blazer badge
    back from the League of Agnostics, I shall urge the executive
    to launch a protest against that religious racket.
    Pass the butterknife.
    W: What?
    M: PASS THE BUTTERKNIFE! Thank you! If only we 'ad some kind of missile...
    W: Hang on, I'll close the window!
    M: What?
    W: I SAID I'LL CLOSE THE WINDOW!
    (sound of window closing- bells slightly quieter)
    M: If only we 'ad some kind of missile, we could take the steam outta those bells.
    W: Well, you could always use the #14 St. Joseph-The-Somewhat-Divine-on-the-Hill ballistic missile. It's in the attic.
    M: What ballistic missile would this be, then?
    W: I made it for you. It's your birthday present.
    M: Just what I wanted. 'ow nice of you to remember, my pet.
    Here!
    W: What?
    M: Those bells are getting louder!
    W: What?
    M: THOSE BELLS ARE GETTING LOUDER!
    W: The bells are getting louder...Oh, look!
    M: What?
    W: The church! It's getting closer! It's coming down the 'ill!
    M: What a liberty!
    W: It's turning into Elm Lane
    M: Straight through the lights, of course!
    W: Typical! Well, you'd better go put it out of it's misery.
    M: Where's this missile, then?
    W: It's in the airing cupboard! Press the button marked "church"!
    M: 'ow do I aim it?
    W: Oh, it automatically homes in on the nearest place of worship!
    M: That's St. Marks!
    W: It isn't now! Look! Oh! It's opening the gate!
    M: What? Use the megaphone!
    W: IT'S OPENING THE GATE!
    M: I'll pop up to the airing cupboard!
    W: Hurry up! It's trampling over the begonias!

    (sound of missile launching, then a horrible crash with the
    recorded sound of bells slowing and stopping
    )

    M: Did I 'it it?
    W: Yes, right up the aisle.
    M: Well, I've always said there's nothing an agnostic can't do if he really doesn't know if he believes in anything or not.

    (Stavro Arrgolus)
    HyperLink  
    Current Rating 10.0 (1 vote)
    Played on 2 shows:
    02-11-07, #MMS-6511-23-80, #80-47
    = Show you can listen to online
    Song Images:
    Messages about the song: "Bells"
     
     
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