|
|
|
|
|
| Facts: |
| Some of the gags in this bit are repeated material from 'Cute Little Farts' from the 'Occupation: Foole' album. A few are retold word for word. The bit about farts being lost inside seat cushions would be used again in a bit on the 'A Place For My Stuff' album. (Stavro Arrgolus) |
| Web pages about this song: |
|
| Song Lyrics: |
Uh, another thing that's universal- farts! And we don't get to talk...and we don't get to talk much about them, y'know, and it's stuff we all know! Which is fun to have...I was gonna say 'to bring out', man that would have been a..subconscious, subconscious always working on bad little jokes. I'm not responsible for them.
But, uh, yes farts. Now everyone knows about a fart. I've often thought, wouldn't it be weird if a guy...accidentally through his life had a perfect diet. The guy had never farted. He was thirty-five. And then one day... POOM! "Whaaaaaa! Hey! The air is comin' outta me! I don't wanna be a balloon! PPPPTTTTTHH!" Children have a better attitude toward farts. They're not yet indoctrinated about...poo-poo, nasty, no-no, ca-ca! They're just starting to get that and they're pretty free about farts. D'ja ever notice your own farts smell okay. "Say! My God, that's fairly decent!"
The whole group of slang that surrounds farting or not slang so much as idiom and certain phrases you hear. Guy farts..depends on..really the company, y'know, you rarely hear an audible fart unless it's like only two people or six really gross people! We used to be playing cards- be eight to nine playing blackjack- "Dolla, dolla and a half, dolla no double, two dolla, no double, man, two dolla, dolla, half a dolla...Hey! Who let go? Hey, Frehley, if you're sick, go to the hospital, man! Ginguy! Man, somethin' died inside! It's not the smell, man, it's the burning of my eyes!" Remember that one? That was always to me the best one. That was really terrible.
That's the way it is. You can spread 'em at a party; you can walk through several rooms. On a con...what you call a 'controlled emission'. Short spurts, just like the jets on the, uh, retro rockets. Know what I mean? (makes sounds) A guy told me a list of kind of farts once. He said there was the fizz, the fizz...no. The fizz, the fazz, the fizz fazz, the rip s**t, the tear ass, the snorter and the one that goes whooosh! Only reporting y'know, kinda like things from- they're not in context.
Farting on the elevator is an interesting experience. Uh, if there are only two people on there, everybody knows...who farted. There are only two attitudes when that happens. One of them is (odd noise) and the other one is (another odd noise). That guy usually gets off at the mezzanine and walks down. Which is nice, it gives you a little time to light up a whole book of matches. Burn it off before you get to the lobby. Who wants all those people coming in thinking it's you? Stunk up the shaft! Yes, the entire shaft is now involved. A high speed elevator dissipates farts very quickly. Always think about those old cage elevators with the grinder wind-up start. If you could fart on the third floor and leave it there, y'know? You might sneak away from it if it was paying attention to something else.
Farts are...like sometime you have 'the farts' and they're really vicious. And people's loved ones are in danger, y'know? 'Cause the qualities, as I say. One of the qualities, one of the properties of a fart which you can only guess is its...oh, let's call it the density. And then there is the persistence. Does it remain...long time. Like mustard gas. A broccoli fart! Persistence. Some people's houses- "Don't fall down! The last three inches are farts down to the rug!" Farts are being lost! Many farts are lost in foam cushions! Hopelessly gone! Years ago, in upholstery, a fart would find its way out- now forever entombed. Well, you gotta get a sledgehammer to get one outta there, man. BONG! By then, it's a blend anyway. (Stavro Arrgolus) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Current Rating
8.8
(1 vote)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Enter a New Message
|
Message:
|
|
|
|
Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended
to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before
they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted
under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The
ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.
|
|
|
|