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Song Details
Duration: 3:03 
Release Date: 1970  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: Monty Python (original series) (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: Monty Python (original series) (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Ian MacNaughton (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: BBC (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By:
  • The Bruces sketch, not the 'philosopher's song'. From Series 2 (ep. 22) "How to Recognise Different Parts of the Body", broadcast Nov 24, 1970. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    Second Bruce: G'day, Bruce!

    First Bruce: Oh, Hello Bruce!

    Third Bruce: How are you Bruce?

    First Bruce: A bit crocked, Bruce.

    Second Bruce: Where's Bruce?

    First Bruce: He's not 'ere, Bruce.
    Third Bruce: Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce.

    First Bruce: Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum!

    Second Bruce: That's a strange expression, Bruce.

    First Bruce: Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. "It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in here, your Majesty," he said and she smiled quietly to herself.

    Third Bruce: She's a good Sheila, Bruce, and not at all stuck up.

    Second Bruce: Here! Here's the boss-fellow now! - how are you Bruce?

    (Enter fourth Bruce with English person, Michael)

    Fourth Bruce: 'Ow are you, Bruce?

    First Bruce: G'day Bruce!

    Fourth Bruce: Bruce.

    Second Bruce: Hello Bruce.

    Fourth Bruce: Bruce.

    Third Bruce: How are you, Bruce?

    Fourth Bruce: G'day Bruce.

    Fourth Bruce: Gentleman, I'd like to introduce a man from Pommyland who is joinin' us this year in the philosophy department at the University of Woolamaloo.

    Everybruce: G'day!

    Michael: Hello.

    Fourth Bruce: Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce.

    First Bruce: Is your name not Bruce?

    Michael: No, it's Michael.

    Second Bruce: That's going to cause a little confusion.

    Third Bruce: Mind if we call you "Bruce" to keep it clear?

    Fourth Bruce: Gentlemen, I think we better start the faculty meeting. Before we start, though, I'd like to ask the padre for a prayer.

    First Bruce: Oh Lord, we beseech Thee, Amen!!

    Everybruce: Amen!

    Fourth Bruce: Crack tubes! (Sound of cans opening) Now I call upon Bruce to officially welcome Mr. Baldwin to the philosophy faculty.

    Second Bruce: I'd like to welcome the pommy bastard to God's own Earth, and remind him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-beaks here.

    Everybruce: Hear, hear! Well spoken, Bruce!

    Fourth Bruce: Bruce here teaches classical philosophy, Bruce there teaches Hegelian philosophy, and Bruce here teaches logical positivism. And is also in charge of the sheep dip.

    Third Bruce: What's New-Bruce going to teach?

    Fourth Bruce: New-Bruce will be teaching political science, Machiavelli, Bentham, Locke, Hobbes, Sutcliffe, Bradman, Lindwall, Miller, Hassett, and Benaud.

    Second Bruce: Those are all cricketers!

    Fourth Bruce: Aww, spit!

    Third Bruce: Howls of derisive laughter, Bruce!

    Everybruce: Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you, amen!

    Fourth Bruce: Crack tube! (Sound of cans opening) Any questions?

    Second Bruce: New Bruce, are you a Poofter?

    Fourth Bruce: Are you a Poofter?

    Michael: No!

    Fourth Bruce: No. Right, I just want to remind you of the faculty rules: Rule One!

    Everybruce: No Poofters!

    Fourth Bruce: Rule Two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way at all... if there's anybody watching. Rule Three?

    Everybruce: No Poofters!!

    Fourth Bruce: Rule Four, now this term, I don't want to catch anybody not drinking. Rule Five,

    Everybruce: No Poofters!

    Fourth Bruce: Rule Six, there is NO ... Rule Six. Rule Seven,

    Everybruce: No Poofters!!

    Fourth Bruce: Right, that concludes the readin' of the rules, Bruce.

    First Bruce: This here's the wattle, the emblem of our land. You can stick it in a bottle, you can hold it in your hand.

    Everybruce: Amen!

    First Bruce: Right, let's get some Sheilas.

    (An Aborigine bunts in with an enormous tray full of enormous steaks.)

    Fourth Bruce: OK.

    Second Bruce: Ah, elevenses.

    Third Bruce: This should tide us over 'til lunchtime.

    Second Bruce: Reckon so, Bruce.

    First Bruce: Sydney Nolan! What's that! (points)

    (Cut to dramatic close-up of Fourth Bruce's ear. Arrow pointing to the ear.)

    Voice Over: Number nine. The ear.
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
    Current Rating 0.0 (0 votes)
    Played on 1 show:
    10-12-13, #13-41
    Song Images:
    Messages about the song: "Bruces (television show version)"
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