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Song Details
Cellular Degeneration 
By: Sudden Death
Play Song (Creative Commons License):
Click Here for a Free Download of this song at 128k
Rank this week: 29 (↑18)
Duration: 3:33 
Release Date: 1/12/2007  (sfjpk30) 
Lyrics By: Tom Rockwell (peterpuck9) 
Music By: Tom Rockwell (peterpuck9) 
Produced By: Devo Spice (peterpuck9) 
Released By: The FUmP (peterpuck9) 
Published By: FIDIM Publishing (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: CC 
  • Made #1 on the Dr. Demento Funny 25 for 2007. (czwrefsteven)
  • Song Lyrics:
    I decided it was time for me to find a new phone
    Correction, my two-year-old decided on her own
    To see how many things could fit into the toilet one day
    I lost my phone, keys, and glasses in the swirliest way
    I looked for a deal that would appeal to me
    I looked around and finally found a buy one, get seven free
    With free interplanetary calling daily after lunch
    And more free minutes than there are in a month
    A little camera takes pictures that it sends to all my friends
    Thirty-five megapixels and a telephoto lens
    3D and night vision are all standard I suppose
    But I paid extra for the lens that lets me see through your clothes
    I can use it as a remote to control my TV
    And even download all my favorite songs as MP3
    And the quality astounds, it's in full surround sound
    But I don't know how to change the Hello Kitty background
    GPS, email, and that stuff ain't enough
    This phone deflects bullets for when calling gets rough
    It does just about anything at all
    But I can't make a damn phone call!

    Can you hear me now? (sample: "What the hell did he say?")
    (repeat 4 times)

    It's amazingly small, but has all the latest tech
    And attaches to my chest like they do on Star Trek
    And you gotta check out the holographic display
    It's telepathic, pornographic, and will make you obey
    Text messaging used to be a pain
    But now it's easy 'cause the words are pulled directly from my brain
    And translated into any language thirty-seven ways
    And did I mention the protection against UV rays?
    It keeps me online anywhere that I am
    So I can download porn from in a traffic jam
    And have the coolest chats where I pretend to be an elf
    With an FBI agent who pretends he's twelve
    My ring tone catches most folks by surprise
    Out of nowhere you hear (sample: "Smell my nipple, win a prize.")
    And it can make a sound that repels bugs
    And if I turn it up I can drive my relatives nuts
    I can call through time, I can talk to the dead
    I can pretend that I'm a Borg and attach it to my head
    I can play back every phone call I ever heard
    But I can't understand a damn word!


    woman: "Thank you for calling Phonitron Global Wireless, a leader in cellular technology. How may I assist you today?"

    You can start with this piece of --- phone you sold me
    And --- up your --- along with everything you told me
    You stupid mother--- think you're all so slick
    Well you --- can all just suck ---
    And a ten year contract?! What the --- is that ---
    It's ---, you can --- my left ---
    Go --- yourself, and --- the horse you ---
    --- you, --- boysenberry pie ---

    woman: "I'm sorry, sir. You're breaking up. Please call back at a later time, or try calling us back from a land line."


    Current Rating 10.0 (3 votes)
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