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Song Details
Rank this week: 31 (↑10)
Duration: 4:24 
Release Date: 1972  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Monte Kay/Jack Lewis (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Little David LD 7214 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Dead Sea Music Inc. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI (Stavro Arrgolus) 
  • Carlin nails down the greedmongering ambitions of Big Pharma dozens of years early in this classic bit from the FM & AM album.

    He seemed to have a particular dislike for Shriners. He mentions them in the nastiest of terms from time to time during this part of his career. Perhaps they gave him lots of grief during his act for growing his hair long. "Damn hippies!" (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Essentially free of 'naughty words', but he gets one in very quickly toward the end of the bit. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    Um...ta-da! Was on a talk show recently. The host asked me, he said, "What do you think about the dope problem?" And I said, "Definitely, I feel we have too many dopes, yes." No question about it.

    That's why we have a drug problem, I really feel, y'know. 'Cause everybody has access to drugs. And we're all kinda just dopey, y'know. And we're just human beings- little protoplasm walkin' around shaking hands 'Howarya, Phil, gimme a piece of lettuce", y'know, no real big thing. We're just kinda dopey folks and we have all these DRUGS available to us. That's why there's a DRUG problem, man. There's all those DRUG stores, right? Every three or four blocks, there's a big sign- DRUGS! Open all night- DRUGS! We deliver- DRUGS! Cut rate- DRUGS! It's the biggest thing on their sign- cosmetics...sundries...DRUGS!

    And the pharmacist is always stoned; ya ever notice that? Check his eyes; he's experimenting with something back there. How come he can never fill a prescription right away, y'know? Really, he always gives ya that (stoned voice:) "Better come back in about an hour. I can't even read the bastard, man."

    It's no accident that we're drug oriented, really. The drug companies got us that way and they'd like to keep us that way. That's a simple thing. They start you early with the oral habit. Little orange flavored aspirin for children. "(pop, pop) Two in the mouth, son. Something wrong with your head? (pop, pop) Two in the mouth. Remember that- head, mouth. (pop, pop) These are orange; there'll be other colors later on." Even named it after a saint to throw you off. "It's all right son, two in the mouth...St Joseph. (pop, pop)" Remember Poppa Chocks? "Poppa Chock!" Guy goes to a dance when he's thirteen- "How's your head, man?" "(pop, pop) Two in the mouth, y'know."

    Mom's got her fix. Coffee freaks running around. Alcohol. Y'know, that's the biggest, of course, and most abused. Incredible. Fifty percent of all traffic deaths, no, yes, that's about 25,000, right. Forty percent of all arrests, traceable. Fifty percent of all first admissions to mental institutions traceable to alcohol. And then, of course, there's diabetes, gout, high blood pressure, heart disease, insanity, divorce. So I always say "Drink up, Shriners!" whenever I see a couple of 'em.

    When they talk about drugs, they don't talk about all of them; that's the problem. They don't mention coffee. The low end of the speed spectrum, I grant you. But there are coffee freaks and they're walkin' around; nobody, y'know, worried about it or anything. Mrs. Olsen never tells you about that mild speed lift, y'know...'cause she's shooting freeze dried Folger's, right? You've seen the coffee freak in the office, haven't ya? Guy who drops eight or nine cups every morning. Always in a good mood- "HI, howarya, warm that up for ya? Ok, hi, howarya, good ta see ya." Always in a nice mood until the coffee urn breaks, man. Then he's the first guy to- "Whaddaya mean broke, man..wha, plug it in, man, turn it on. Holy s**t, man. Put some water in.." And he goes out and scores, 'cause he's the one who's hooked.
    I know it's just a dopey example, but that's the beginning of it.

    Then you have housewives and the diet pills. Mom found out there's a lot more than dieting in those pills, man. Help you grind your teeth and feel great, too. Keep ya on the phone a lot- (quick babble) "Hi, howarya Marge...." "Where ya going, Mom? Shopping at midnight?" "Well, they're open.." And athletes, athletes got into uppers, college athletes. The right wing's last line of defense on campus. They're doing amphetamines. Remember when 'being up for the game' was kinda a spiritual thing. Now, man.. "You up for the game?" "(pop, pop) Been up all week, man!"
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
    Current Rating 9.0 (1 vote)
    Played on 3 shows:
    10-05-13, #MMS-17403-28-76, #87
    04-20-13, #AOTA-130420
    = Show you can listen to online
    Song Images:
    Messages about the song: "Drugs"
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