I'm getting nowhere with this one. I think it's no longer the time to make a show like this.

Maybe I should make another '80s dementia mixtape show. I have Dr. Demento cassette tapes recorded from the radio (edited from several Dr. D shows; I was a picky bastard - I still am) in the '70s & '80s; I make a new internet show from an old tape that's a snapshot of the time it was recorded in.

This type of show seems to be received well...

Bugger all.

It's always when I start recording these things that I notice... I hit record, looked at the script and - my script's suddenly outdated. I've got to rewrite some of it again. Events are moving too damn fast.

Harrumph! This is the last time I make a topical show that doesn't involve Santa or Satan. I often think those two are the same guy. Adjust the letters in "Santa" and you get...never mind.

Forgot this part...

Like the first half, the 2nd half of this show will be all about the virus - but none of the songs will be. That's right. An entire coronavirus show with no songs about the coronavirus. The others have played them already, so I don't need to.

This is a show where the commentary carries the theme & the songs just back it up. Songs will only be indirectly about the theme while I stay on point.

Hopefully, this half won't be as vulgar as the first one...but no promises.

Coming up next week (or this weekend if I feel up to it - probably not)

Segment 2: "I Don't Want To Go On The Cart!" ...Oh, don't be such a baby!..

Unlike the 1st segment which was about what to do with all the excess spare time during lockdown, this segment will be the real deal.

1st set - Blame China for everything, then have angry pirates swear at them,

2nd set - Disease & deprivation stalk the land like two...big...stalking things...

3rd set - Death, and lots of it. Dying, what happens when you die, how to bury...you get the idea.

Bonus track - A nasty/amusing reminder of what happened the last time a government got a little too authoritarian.

Hoo, boy.

Uncle Stavro's about to finish the script for this show and since he's currently in Eisenach with my dad, Viscount Vyslo, I can only assume he's found out where dad keeps the bourbon. Why would vampires have a stash of bourbon? I'm sure the actual reason is...very silly, indeed.

Uncle didn't say why the show's called what it is, did he? Supposedly, face masks are being used in your country as a political tool and Uncle thinks this sort of manipulation is the sort of thing Hitler would do - hence the show name.

Be warned. There's a lot of bad language in this show and it's directed at what Uncle calls "the politics of death" - though he never uses that phrase in the show itself. Though the show is about the coronavirus, there are no actual songs about it on the playlist - even though Uncle had a ton of them to choose from. He says they would make the show too topical; I think he's had too much of that bourbon.

Anyway, this is almost done, so expect its first segment this weekend, assuming the microphone works with the new PC. Seg. 1 is still called "Stay The F*ck Home" and it's still about things you can do around the house when under quarantine.

The BBC would like to deny the last apology. It is very happy at home and BBC 2 is bound to go through this phase, so from all of us here good night, sleep well, and have an absolutely super day tomorrow, kiss, kiss.

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Lots of things stopped this show from being made until now. Old age, raging tinnitus, lawn care season, no food in the house (too paranoid to go out & get it), and, of course, the arrogant and obsessive troll who just won't let it all go.

By the time I sorted all that out, things had changed out there. Society had turned what had previously just been an opportunity to die for no good reason into an opportunity to be complete fascist bastards.

Yes, the insanity of tribalism has invaded our pandemic and face masks have been politicized. Trumpers attack you for wearing a mask and liberals attack you for not wearing one. It's just another reason to stay the hell at home.

My father fought in a war to stop fascism and now a certain generation who can't remember what "politics based brutality" actually is are now bringing fascism back using the pandemic as an excuse! Ok snowflake. This "sucks ass" as the young people say, and The FuMP badly needs to write a few songs about it. Until then, old guys like me who don't care any more will make internet shows about it.

The bad news is that this show will take longer to make because life changed again & the show has to be rewritten again. The good news is that part of the rewrite is done and I can make the first half hour pretty damn soon.

New MMS: Pretty damn soon.

This isn't about themes. Uncle Stavro started making a big list of potential show themes at the end of 2012 & only a portion have been used. It's still a long list and the old guy is rarely in any condition to make a show from it. That's why there are never any shows.

The Viscount was suggesting I use Uncle's theme breaking feature - "and now for something totally other than else." He also said that the show's basically missed the window of opportunity for a coronavirus theme and I should make something else without announcing it. 

Which one will I make? "Sore wa himitsu desu"...

Ok, I've seen the script for this and it's rather...out of control. Worse, Tyro is still doing a show about a subject everyone else has done already.

I think a more off the wall theme would be so much better...

Ok, I've seen the script for this and it's rather...out of control. Worse, Tyro is still doing a show about a subject everyone else has done already.

I think a more off the wall theme would be so much better...

At the insistence of Uncle Stavro, I'm not to "bite off more than I can devour". I am to make ONE of these segments and that will constitute a full Mad Music Moment (half-hour+ show). Uncle also made me make a newer, snarkier playlist, so it's going to take an extra week as mentioned previously to make one of these. Which one? Does it matter?

Segment 1:  Stay The F*ck Home!

I 'll start with the blatantly obvious. ...but that'd be boring, wouldn't it? Let's have a segment about all the degenerate things you find yourself doing when you've been trapped in the smegging house for a couple of months.  

Segment 2:  Social Distance, Wash Your Hands and Die Anyway

No, this is the obvious segment. Disease, sickness and death - lots of death. Well, I'm a vampire; what were you expecting? Giant bunny rabbits and ponies? No, the plague is here and the reaper stalks you at every turn waiting to put you on the cart. You wont even need ninepence for this; this trip to Hell is on us.

Time for a show update. While Uncle & the rest are all hiding out in Jutland from the latest plague (not that vampires can catch it or anything - I think they're just protecting Uncle Stavro), I'm here making a new Mad Music Hour.

I showed the playlist to Uncle & he said I was "doing it wrong." He said my playlist was just like what the others were playing and he "wasn't having any of that crap." This show should be a unique view of the coronavirus from the perspective of someone who was already dead. The cynical, detached attitude is what we want here.

So the whole thing's being rewritten. There will still be a request segment... I'm toying with the idea of having a "Vampire Coffin Creaks Open" feature that's identical to Wayne's "Captain's Treasure Chest" feature he used to have. Only with coffins & blood... And no law says this feature has to start the show. It can & should appear at any time.

So that's what's going on. I'm going to need an extra week for this.

Yes, I know I really reached for that title. It's a line from a Slant 6 & The Jumpstarts song.

The score so far: Five weeks ago, Consul Pious fled Italy, rescued Uncle Stavro from New England (we vampires are immune to diseases; Uncle isn't), and now they've moved in with Grandpa Aarhus at his place in Denmark, where they've been ever since.

I'm looking after Uncle's place and it seems he's gotten his new PC working to the point that shows can be made again (who knew?), hence this new show.

Now comes the tricky part. Topical shows "blow goats" as Stavro says - so I won't date this outing by focusing on coronavirus alone. Rather, it will be one segment of long ignored requests and at least one more of  "sickness, diseases & death." Ooh, fun!

The requests will come from Uncle's huge backlog file of them and I'll improvise the other segment(s). Expect one segment of this show sometime late in the month.