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Song Details
Release Date: 1984  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Eardrum ED 1001 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By:
  • A more fleshed out version of the classic Carlin routine made 9 years after the original concept was put to vinyl in 1975 on the "Wally Londo" album. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    I'd like to do something called 'Baseball and Football' and, uh (applause) Thank you. Because these two activities are so much a part of us and yet they're so different.

    Baseball is pastoral- nineteenth century.
    Football is technological- twentieth century.

    Baseball is played on a diamond in a park. The baseball park!
    Football is played on a gridiron in a stadium. War Memorial Stadium.

    In baseball, you wear a cap.
    In football, you wear a helmet.

    Baseball has a seventh inning stretch.
    Football has a two minute warning.

    Baseball has no time limit. We don't know when it's gonna end. We might have extra innings!
    Football is rigidly timed and it will end even if we have to even go to sudden death.

    Football is based on downs. What down is it?
    Baseball is based on ups. Who's up? Are you up? I'm not up!

    In football, you get a penalty.
    In baseball, you make an error. Whoops!

    In baseball, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling, y'know? Emotions may run high, but there's not that much unpleasantness.
    In football, in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times during the game, you are capable of taking the life of a fellow human being. Preferably a stranger.

    And to sum this up, the object of the game is quite different.

    The object of the game in football is for the quarterback, otherwise known as 'the field general', to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack which punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.

    In baseball, the object is to go home. I'm going home! I'm going home!

    Ta da! 'Nuff of that. Thank you...very much.

    ©1984 George Carlin
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
    Current Rating 10.0 (1 vote)
    Song Images:
    Messages about the song: "Baseball and Football ("On Campus" version - 1984)"
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