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But now that I’m an old f**k, and that’s what I consider myself to be, an old f**k. Old f**k is a very special term. It’s not like old man. Old man is different. Old man isn’t really a time in your life or a period of years. It’s an attitude. Old man is a point of view. It’s a way of looking at things. Some guys are old men when they’re in their 20’s. You’ve met guys like that. They’re just wired like old men. Not me. Not an old man and not an old fart because an old fart is kind of (sound). What I am is an old f**k. It’s kind of like a fat f**k, you know what I mean? Fat f**k, tall f**k, skinny f**k, short f**k, old f**k. Who’s the old f**k? That’s Georgie. Georgie’s the old f**k. In this respect, f**k is actually a synonym for the word fellow.
But now that I’m an old f**k, I’m beginning to notice there’s some advantages to putting on a few extra years. The first one is you never have to carry anything heavy ever again. Everybody wants to help an old f**k. If you’ve got a big suitcase or something like that, you know, you just kind of go like this a little bit. You say, “Yeah, could you help me with this?” Say, “Yeah. Hey, how far you going?” “Indianapolis.” He wants to help? f**k him. Put him to work. Take advantage of people. Another nice thing about getting old is you can leave any social event early just by saying you’re tired. Works great with family members. Just turn to the person next to you and say, “Geez, I’m getting tired, you know.” Oh, are you tired? Come on. Grandpa’s tired. Grandpa’s going to bed. Someone else says, “But it’s 7:30 in the morning.” There’s always one a*****e in the family.
But the best thing about getting old is you’re not responsible for remembering things anymore, even important things. “But it was your daughter’s funeral.” I forgot. You can even make believe you have Alzheimer’s disease. Ah, it’s a lot of fun. You look around the dining room table and you say, “Who are you people, and where is my horse?” Then you stare at your eldest son and say, “Agnes, I haven’t seen you since first communion.” Fucks them up. Fucks them up. They don’t know how to handle it. It takes them a week to get over that s**t. And they start listening to you a lot more carefully from then on. So don’t be afraid to get old. It’s a great time of life. You get to take advantage of people, and you’re not responsible for anything. You can even s**t in your pants. They expect it. I haven’t tried that yet, but I don’t rule it out. I’m keeping my options open. Everything is on the table. Perhaps that’s not the figure of speech I wanted right there. (Stavro Arrgolus) |
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Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended
to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before
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under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The
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