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Song Details
Duration: 7:55 
Release Date: 1974  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Monte Kay/Jack Lewis/George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Little David LD 3003 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Dead Sea Music Inc. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Keywords: EXPRESSIONS, OBSERVATIONAL HUMOR, STAND-UP COMEDY, WORDPLAY 
Reviews:
A classic example of the 'great wordsmith' in action. This is Carlin at his most observational, breaking down stupid words and phrases we use and turning them into comedy gold with no profanity necessary.- Stavro Arrgolus
Facts:
Song Lyrics:
"At any rate", what does that mean? "At any rate"? What about four and a half percent? We just throw those phrases away, man! All kinds of words like that. "Calm, cool and collected." Sometimes something hits, you know, and you're calm. You're cool. Collected? I've never been collected. I've been collected from. What else they got like that? "This, that, and the other." "I'd like this. And that." "Well, you’ve got to get the other; it's a set!" Words like "kit and caboodle". Have you ever tried to buy a kit and caboodle? You can get a kit. But they're all out of caboodles, man. You get you a reconditioned caboodle. "I'll give you a caboodle kit; you can build your own caboodle." "That's a kit and caboodle kit! I want a kit and caboodle, my friend." Like, "odds and ends." If you’ve got 24 odds and ends on the table and 23 of them fall off, what’ve you got? And odd or an end? Words like "refinish." "What’re you doing?" "Refinishing a table." Don’t you have to restart? You should. "Refrigerator-freezer." Too long. It should be called a "refrigideezer", man.

There are words that we just completely leave off. "Have a happy!" "I haven't the slightest." Then there are words that disappear. Not just obsolete words, but recent words. We used to listen to "rock 'n roll". Now we listen to "rock". Whatever happened to "roll", man? It's the same feeling I get when I'm walking through Sears wondering what they did with Roebuck.

Then there are words we need. Words that don’t exist. "Chalant." We have "nonchalant," so the concept of chalance exists. What about "chalant"? "Nearfetched." Something very obvious. "Say, that’s nearfetched, Bill!" Why don't we have "cheese fondon't" for people that don’t like cheese fondue? There are words that don't exist, as I say; things for which there are no names. Those two little flesh lines on your upper lip that down run from your nose to your lip. Two little lines. What the hell are they? I'm sure they’re the vertical frontal something. But otherwise, we got no slang. "Hey, I cut myself!" "Where?" "You know them two lines that run down your face?"

Here are words that no one has ever said before. "Please saw my legs off." "Hand me that piano." Here's one you never hear: "Do what you want to the girl, but leave me alone!" You can make up a whole story that no one'll ever repeat; no one ever said before- "Big bats down to one five five. Over cross, up the thing no. Nose, baseball, hieroglyphics, hopscotch, pouch. Inevitably, two four eight, four eight, four eighth. I, I, with a two two two, three four five. Down here, Mother. We're all home now. So long, Jill. Beep beep. Hungry hungry, are you? I couldn't stand it. Not in my house. Up yours too, Don. He's packin' them in. We'll all try it. Fifty fifty. Okay, but not me."

Good. Oh, yeah. Some words are like, "Jumbo Shrimp." Always...I think, JUMBO…shrimp! It’s like, uh, "guest host". Mike Douglas always has a guest host. "Hi, I'm a guest host, I'm a guest host!" Well, it's like "military intelligence" Those words are mutually exclusive. You can't do that, right? It’s like, "semi-boneless ham". I've seen it advertised. "Semi-boneless ham". Now, semi-bone, hold on here. Does it have a bone? It has a bone. And it's a bone! Ain't no semi-bone! A bone is like a crumb. You don't think much of a crumb, but think about it. You break a crumb in half, you don't have two half-a-crumbs. You got two crumbs, man!

There's something in everything for ya, I guarantee. Something, in fact, that you'll probably have an interest in. How words can fool ya, I mean, we really know. We know. You can hardly ever say to any group of people and be teaching them anything that words have such varied roles, y'know, and such varied meanings that you just kinda go, "Words"- Uhhuhnnnnh! And we all agree that we'll think about those aspects of them.

Here's a statement of an anti-pornography dude. Kind of an anti-smut man. And words, what you select tell a lot about you...

"Our thrust is to prick holes in the stiff front erected by the smut dealers. We must keep mounting an offensive to penetrate any crack in his defenses so we can to lay to rest his dominant position. We want him hung and we want fast action. Let's get on him. Let's ram through a stiff bail law..so it will be hard for him to get it up. We've got to come together so we can whip this thing into submission. It'll be hard on us, but we can’t lick it by being soft!"
(Stavro Arrgolus)
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Current Rating 10.0 (2 votes)
Played on 1 show:
07-18-18, #MMS-226
= Show you can listen to online
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