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Things You Never Hear 
By: George Carlin
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Rank this week: 30 (↑52)
Duration: 1:21 
Release Date: 1990  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Eardrum 91593-1 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
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Song Lyrics:
Then there are some things you never hear. That makes sense, some things you never hear. You never hear this: "Dad, you really ought to drink more." Here's something you don't hear too often. "Do what you want to the girl, but leave me alone!" Here is something no one has ever heard ever. Ever. "As soon as I put this hot poker in my ***, I'm going to chop my dick off." You know why you never that? Right! No one ever said that. Which to me is the more amazing thing. No one ever thought to say that before tonight. I'm the first person in the world put those words together in that particular order. First guy. Number one. Here's something you don't hear too often. "Honey, let's sell the children, move to Zanzibar and begin taking opium rectally." "Mom, mom I got a big date tonight. Can I borrow a French tickler from you?"

©1990 George Carlin
(Stavro Arrgolus)
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Stavro Arrgolus   (Online)  -  Editor, MP3  -  10-03-09 10:04 PM  -  62 months ago
This short bit is a variation of this- www.themadmusicarchive.com/song_details.aspx?SongID=21880 last used in 1974. Though in those days, he wouldn't have mentioned French ticklers. Even with all those so-called "bad words". The central gag of the bit is even unchanged:
"Do what you want to the girl, but leave me alone!"

Words to live by.

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