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How's Your Dog? 
By: George Carlin
  Play Sample:
Rank this week: 27 (↑55)
Duration: 5:03 
Release Date: 1977  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Monte Kay/Jack Lewis/George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Little David LD 1075 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Dead Sea Music Inc. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Keywords: BALLS, BATH, DOGS, FARTS, JUNK FOOD, TV 
This song is not yet available in our store.
Reviews:
Facts:
  • A fleshing out of the 'dog' material done in the "Shoot" routine on the "FM & AM" album (1972). This bit is about 'Tippy', the dog Carlin would later say was his favorite when he had another go at this subject 13 years later in "I Love My Dog". (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    "HOW'S YOUR DOG? HOW'S YOUR GODDAMN DOG?" Did you ever have a guy who asks you that? "HOW'S YOUR DOG?" Fine, he's all right. They're not your dogs; they're our dogs! Every now and then one of us has one for awhile. But they're our dogs.

    Okay, you're home at night, got the TV on, but you got the lights on too 'cause you're reading. Doggie's there. Doing a crossword puzzle; answer the phone. You got a Pepsi, bag of Doritos, hey. Does this happen in your house? If a dog is shown on television, do you try to get your dog to look at the dog? "Look at the dog! Look at the dog! Look at the doggie! LOOK AT THE DOG, YOU *******!" They never look where you want, do they? They look at your hand. "Look over there..." "What's his hand doing up there, man? His hand is on my head! What did I do wrong?" "Well, for one thing, you missed the dog!"

    Okay, same situation now. You're up in the bedroom with your person, lights on, reading, talking, doing the puzzle, doggie's there, TV's on. Got about half a Pepsi left; Doritos holding out nice. And one of you says to the other-[SNIFF] 'Honey, did you fart?" "I thought you farted." "No, not me, that's not even one of my farts. I know. The dog farted! WHY DID YOU FART, TIPPY? Look at him, he knows he farted. I seen his *** open up. Just like that." "I see." "Well, I just happened to be looking at his *** by chance. I thought he was doing deep breathing exercises. I don't know. What the hell do I know about the dog, for Chrissakes?"

    Now you're in the public part of your house; you're in the living room, doggie's there and you have some friends in. A few neighbors sittin' around the coffee table. See you brought out your Pepsi, but **** 'em- let 'em get their own Doritos, man. I'm not here to feed the neighborhood. But you're sitting around and talking's nice and the DOG IS LICKING HIS BALLS! And nobody mentions it. Spectacular thing going on! If I could reach, I'd never leave the house, man, are you kidding? They say things like, "Isn't he cute? He's taking a bath!" "He appears to be licking his balls to me, Marge. Yeah, he's been on that one spot for over an hour now. It's a mighty selective bath."
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
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    Current Rating 10.0 (2 votes)
    Played on 1 show:
    07-21-03, #ISGD-03-28
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