A Disgusted Millionaire by Benny Bell

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A Disgusted Millionaire
By: Benny Bell

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[English Version: Radio Novelty 78 - 444-B]

I was a disgusted millionaire
With no-one to call me Sweet Honey
I wanted a girl. a cute little pearl
Who knows how to spend lots of money.

I made up my mind, I simply must find
Some neat little, sweet little cutie
So I hopped on a train, and headed for Spain
To look for a prize winning beauty.

While riding along and singing a song
I heard someone holler "Hey phoney"
So I turned around and that's how I found
My red-headed fat head baloney.

I gazed in her eyes, and to my surprise
She told me she loves me sincerely
So I threw her a kiss, and whispered like this,
"I'd love to believe you my dearie."

We hopped off the train, and strolled down the lane
I married her quickly that morning
But when we got home, I fell on my dome
When she started stretching and yawning.

She opened her mouth, her false teeth fell out
And one eye was made out of crystal
Her right leg was good, but her left leg was wood
I started to look for a pistol.

She eats like a horse, her manners are worse
I'd rather have married a donkey
She sleeps on a chair, she snores like a bear
And calls me her cute little monkey.

So I'm a disgusted millionaire
By golly, by gosh and begorra
I'd give every cent to some noble gent
Who'd bump off my lovely señora.

[which was based on the Yiddish version: Bell Novelty 78 - 418] (Shalom)

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