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A Man Named Jayne 
By: the great Luke Ski feat. The Nick Atoms
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Duration: 3:41 
Release Date: 2004  (sfjpk30) 
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Purchase this song for only: 99¢
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Facts:
  • Parody of "A Boy Named Sue" by Johnny Cash (czwrefsteven)
  • Song Lyrics:
    Take my love, take my land,
    Take me where I cannot stand.
    I don't care, I'm still free.
    You can't take the sky from me.

    Well, my name is Walsh, and as you can see,
    I fly the ship called "Serenity".
    With Hawaiian shirts and dino toys I can't complain.
    Now Cap'n Mel Reynolds is an honorable kid
    But the strangest thing Tight Pants ever did
    Was hire some muscle with weapons: a man named Jayne!

    Picked him up on a mission with my wife Zoe,
    As second in command, why, I'll never know.
    He bribed him with a higher cut in his own room to retain.
    Now with all of us, he is sailing.
    And at dinner, he'll embarrass our mechanic girl Kaleigh,
    I tell you, life ain't easy living with a man named Jayne.

    Now Kaleigh, she likes "Simon the Doctor",
    On the run with his sister, he acts prim and proper,
    Much line an arm of the companion of the sky.
    And while Shepherd Book preaches the ten commands,
    Drank a can of Blue Sun spilled through my hands
    Which made River freak out, and none of us rightly know why!

    Now we've tangled with Badger and Isska and Reavers
    And all kinds of low-down, dirty deceivers
    Like Earlian Saffron sent straight from the special hell.
    But that day we heard a rumble that bumped.
    I looked out the window and knew we were humped
    'Twas an alliance skyscraper "Spaceship Sivadelle".

    Some howly disabled our home sweet barge,
    They took us all nine to the men in charge.
    Mel quietly planned our escape; he's a clever guy.
    But then this one Sutten salted James' hat.
    'Twas a gift from his mom, well, he shouldn't have done that
    'Cause he said "My name is Jayne! Ya damn moon brain! Now you're gonna die!"

    Jayne hit him hard right between the eyes.
    There was some villain heroics, but to his surprise,
    The thugs pinned him down in a manner unorthodox.
    They said, "We're not alliance, we're something much worse.
    The most feared, hated power in the whole verse:
    We're the execs from the television network named FOX!

    We need your time slot for a show with Bill Bellamy
    And that chick from "Saved By the Bell"
    'Cause fast cars and GMA means ratings won't be small." Heh.
    Mel said, "We got fast ships and four hot babes.
    We're big damn heroes with a killer fan base,
    If it weren't for us and "The Simpsons", they wouldn't even want you at all!"

    And they said, "Your program's canceled, so now you must go
    So I can think up a cheap, new reality show
    Full of dumb guys and hot sluts who for money will mate." Heh.
    So we sit out our plot and-a call it a stress
    And we're joined by the Earth ship "Planet Express"
    And Fry told us their show suffered the exact same fate!

    So Mel and Leela planned a double attack
    And we surprised the execs, sent their goons running back.
    Soon DeBrockos and Bender came busting through the glass!
    We said "This is for 'Firefly' and 'Futurama'!",
    Then we *****-slapped 'em fast till he cried for his mama
    And we told them "Bite my SHINY, metal ***!"
    Yeah, you're goin' in right, that's what we did.

    We left 'em in the dust when we pulled our reversal.
    Now we got a movie over at Universal
    And tones aloof from the sales of that DVD box set.
    The lesson to be learned from all these plans
    Is never underestimate the power of fans.
    And if I ever get another sci-fi TV show, I think I'm gonna show it on, uh...
    UPN or WB, anywhere but FOX! I still hate that network! They canceled "Wonder Falls II", "Those Rotten Bastard", and "The Tick"! And "The Lone Gunman" and "Dark Angel" and "John Doe" and "True Calling" and "True Calling" again! And probably "True Calling" for a third time and even "Greg the Bunny" and I even liked Kermit, too!
    (Sonic SBL)
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    Current Rating 8.8 (5 votes)
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