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The Lone Ranger 
By: Bill Cosby
  Play Sample:
Rank this week: 29 (↑54)
Duration: 3:07 
Release Date: 1964  (sav-man) 
Lyrics By: Bill Cosby (sav-man) 
Music By: Bill Cosby (sav-man) 
Produced By: Allan Sherman & Roy Silver (sav-man) 
Released By: Warner Brothers Records (sav-man) 
Published By:
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  • The Cos pokes gentle fun at the Masked Man. From the 1964 album "I STARTED OUT AS A CHILD." (sav-man)
  • Song Lyrics:
    There was one guy I always worried about, and that's the Lone Ranger's buddy, Tonto. Now Tonto, to me, always was like -- I would say to Tonto, why does he do the same thing, because the Lone Ranger would always say, "Tonto?" "Yes, Kemosabe?" "I want you to go to town." And every time he'd go to town, the bandits would beat the snot out of him! "Hey, give me -- " [gunshot noises] "Nice to have you in town, Tonto!" [gunshot noises] And he'd go back and the Lone Ranger'd look at him, "Oh, my, goodness, Tonto. Did you get the information?" "Yes, me have information, Kemosabe..."

    And I'd always holler at the radio, "Tonto! Don't go to town! They're gonna beat you up again, man!" Just one time --

    "Yes, Que-No-Sabe?"
    "You go to town."
    "You go to Hell, Que-No-Sabe..."
    "I want you to get the information!"
    "What is information? Information say, `Tonto no go to town', that's what information say."

    Did you ever figure out what would happen if these two guys went into a town and there was no violence? Nothin' to do but get drunk, you know. Lone Ranger and Tonto really knocked out, you know. [sings the Lone Ranger theme in drunken voice] "Fiddidump fiddidump fiddi dump dump dump -- Let me hear you sing it Tonto!" "Fiddidump fiddidump ton ton ton. Fid DID --" "Oh shut up. Tonto? You got any money? To get a drink with?" "No, Kemoshabe, why don't you ushe yer shilver bullets? Ah ha ha ha." "Ah well, we'd better try to work on the bartender." "Right, Kemo . . . Sabe." "Bartender?" "Yes sir?" . . . "How'd you like to peek under my mask? . . . Take a look at this! [pop] How about that, huh?"

    And there's another problem that evolves. How about Silver, the Lone Ranger's horse? Now the Lone Ranger thinks nothing about running and jumping on Silver and chasing after a bandit that has at least an eight or ten mile lead, you know. And Silver must get awfully peeved at this. You know, 'cos it's embarrassing to chase after a horse that has an 8 mile lead. And you can always hear it. "Masked man!" "Yes, what is it?" "The bandits have an eight mile lead! Go get 'em!" "Don't worry about a thing! Jump on the horse -- Hi Yo Silver!" "WAIT A MINUTE!! Are you crazy?! Get off my back!" "What's the matter with you, Sil--?" "Don't worry about Silver! I'm sick of this mess! How much of a lead have they got this time? Eight, ten, thirty-five miles? You know how embarrassing it is to come back into that stable, all those old snotty horses say `Oh boy, didja catch him this time?' `No, no I didn't catch him this time...' It's ridiculous! But look at these shinbones, the scars on my shins from when we catch up with those nuts, and they run out of bullets, and every time they throw the gun back at you they don't hit you, do they? No! [pop pop pop] Right off old Silver's shins! Sick of this."

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